


Sound Of Passion

by Kiikiiyuu



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Deaf Character, Deaf Choi Seungcheol, Drama, Eventual Romance, Family Issues, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Choi Seungcheol, Lee Jihoon Is a Good Bro, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Romance, Secrets, Self Confidence Issues, Threesome - M/M/M, Trust Issues, protective Seventeen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-02-23 00:09:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 39,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23535919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiikiiyuu/pseuds/Kiikiiyuu
Summary: Choi Seungcheol is a respected, well loved, idol and member of Seventeen that holds a secret.Choi Seungcheol is deaf and is set in making sure he isn't found out.But when unfortunate events keep coming his way and people of the past reappear in the present. How long can Seungcheol keep up the lie?
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Implied- Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Implied- Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8, Implied-Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon
Comments: 183
Kudos: 671





	1. Difficult, but a Start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii! It's Kii :)
> 
> This is my first multi-chapter fic!
> 
> Just a disclaimer, I do not own any of the characters whatsoever.  
> Also if I get a few facts wrong I apologize in advance, I'll do my best to make sure the story is accurate.
> 
> Hope you like it!

Choi Seungcheol was a respected idol in the K-pop world. 

He was part of a well known group that was on the rise in popularity.

To his members, he was their dependable and caring leader.

He was loved.

Because of this though, he had to hide a particular part of himself he had grown to be ashamed of. He feared that the respect he worked so hard to gain, would be taken away from him if others found out.

His secret?

Choi Seungcheol, was deaf.

When he was first born, he came out as a loud screeching child. Like every baby did when they first came out. But from there did his parents start noticing things. He never startled from any loud sounds, or responded to any sounds in general. He only ever responded to what he could see. At two months old he hadn’t started to form any vowel sounds, at six months he hadn’t even begun to babble yet. So his parents brought him to the doctors.

There they found out about their son’s hearing problems.They weren’t very fond of the news. His parents were distinguished, wealthy members of the elite society. His father owned a multi million dollar company, his mother was a leading designer in fashion.

They were enraged that they birthed a dysfunctional son, not a strong heir. So to save their pride they hid Seungcheol’s condition.

His father contacted a hearing aid specialist and created a new type of cochlear implant for his son. It was small and clear, the main piece was placed inside his ear with a part that hooked around the back. It was very difficult to see, unless you knew what you were looking for. Perfect for hiding.

Seungcheol went straight into speech therapy to make sure that he could speak normally even if he couldn’t hear himself. He learned how to read lips in case something happened to the implant, and sign language for worst case scenarios. However his parents never chose to learn sign language, under the lie they never had time but Seungcheol knew it was because they never cared enough to do so.

Servants that worked in the house, along with his brother, did their best to learn it. So that when Seungcheol was home, he could talk comfortably with them without having to exhaust his brain on trying to form viable words. He appreciated them so much for that.

When he graduated high school he wanted to leave the household and pursue something he was actually interested in. The growing hatred he had for his parents for dismissing him as their child because of the fact he was deaf, made him want to prove his worth.

He was never fond of the idea of taking over his father’s company, they had his older brother for that, and he had no interest in fashion either. Seungcheol became captivated by music, in idols, to be specific. He watched in awe as they danced on the stage, radiating this overwhelming presence, singing and rapping as the crowd roared for them. 

It was kinda ironic since in reality, without the implant, he couldn’t hear. Which made it perfect. Someone like him, to create music and perform it for millions to hear. 

Of course his parents were very much against it but he had no care in the world. This is what he wanted to do and he was going to do it. They argued and yelled at him but he refused to back down. So when they realized he wasn’t going to change his mind his father said his final words to his son.

“The moment you walk out that door, you are no longer part of this family.”

It was painful to be told that by his parents. But Seungcheol raised his head, even if the tears refused to not fall, he didn’t look back and walked away.

He flew to Korea, auditioned for Pledis Entertainment and was accepted as a trainee. This was his first step to his dream. He had to talk about his condition to the CEO but to his surprise, they fully accepted him. To be welcomed wholeheartedly, was more than anything he could ever ask for.

He did ask them for one favor though, he wanted to keep his condition a secret.

Why? You may ask, Seungcheol wasn’t really a hundred percent sure either. He claimed that he didn’t want to be treated differently by the other trainees, the coaches and in the future, his fans. He wanted to work hard for this. He wanted to earn it. Maybe there was more than that, but he never went into it.

So the management agreed. 

Six years later he became part of a thirteen member boy band, Seventeen, and was positioned as their leader. His members as well as the majority of the staff, still unaware. The only people who knew were their CEO and the group's managers.

Seungcheol was good at making sure he never was in a place to get caught. He almost always had his processor on. When he didn’t, he made sure his back was never turned to any of the members and not to be too obvious when he had to read their lips. Even if the implant was immensely hard to see, he wore beanies that covered his ears frequently.

On stage he had a special earpiece that doubled as both as an implant processor and an in-ear monitor, all three of the managers were fluent in sign language as well, in case the situation ever called for it. Seungcheol was indebted to the company doing all of this to make his dream possible.

He hadn’t spoken to his family at all since he had left, not even his brother. He saw them on the news sometimes but that was only ever it. He smiled to himself when he thought about it.

He would love to see his father's face knowing that his disgraceful son had done what he had told him he would never be able to do.

He became a star.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope it wasn't terrible, I'm working hard to make sure it's enjoyable! 
> 
> Again if I got anything wrong please inform me so I can correct it!
> 
> Next Chapter should come out soon!
> 
> -Kii ^^


	2. The Calm Before it Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo Next Chapter!
> 
> I made small changes to the previous chapter after further research. I want to try and make this as accurate as I can. Although I do have to stretch a few things (Like Seungcheol's advanced cochlear implant) to make the things in the story make sense and flow how I want it to.

Comebacks were always a tiring time for k-pop groups, hours of recording and filming, photo shoots and seemingly never ending practices and rehearsals. There's also variety shows and promotions that they frequently attended.

Seungcheol found these times enjoyable though. While he does feel the same share of stress and fatigue, as well as the added difficulty of being in different environments with varying levels of sound. Having this full, tight schedule, was satisfying. 

His members have been working hard to prepare for the comeback, he knows Jihoon and Soonyoung especially have put in a lot of effort as they always do, producing and choreographing. He was honored to be able to have such dependable people in the group. 

Albeit he found it a little disheartening knowing he can’t help the two in their craft as he experienced music differently than they did. Even with the technologically advanced cochlear implant, he could only hear so much and with the members not knowing that he was deaf made it harder. 

It’s not like Seungcheol can touch the speaker every time he’s in the studio to feel the bass of the music without looking weird.  
_____

Seungcheol woke up an hour before the actual set wake up time, to shower and get everything ready for the day. 

He made it a habit to wake up early so as to not get caught without the external processor or get caught practicing his pronunciation and speech in the bathroom mirror. 

Walking into the kitchen he brewed coffee for himself but left extra knowing Jihoon and Mingyu also enjoyed coffee in the morning. He cooked a simple quick breakfast knowing they won’t get to eat till much later in the day due to their schedule.

Seungcheol enjoyed these quiet times in the morning. While he loved being with his members, they were loud, so loud sometimes it hurt and it took much more energy to keep up with who was speaking.

Once he was finished, he set off to wake the rest of the members. Walking into the vocal unit bedroom, he opened the blinds to let natural light in and shook Jeonghan awake. 

“Hannie, wake up we got an hour and a half before we got to go, help me wake the kids.” the blonde groaned and hit Jisoo in the face repeatedly till the other woke up and hit him back. The leader only laughed and went to go wake up the rest of them.

Little by little they trickled into the dinning room, taking a plate of food and munching on it. Seungcheol sat on the counter as he sipped his coffee, looking at the members as they ate half asleep.

“Manager hyung will be here to pick us up in an hour so make sure you’re all ready by then. Today we have an interview with a radio station at eight-thirty and then we have a fan sign at one o’clock.”

The other members quietly voiced their understanding before finishing their food and setting off to do their morning routine. Seungcheol stayed to slowly finish his coffee as he was already dressed. Today was like any other day, but maybe it was the lack of sleep or stress that made Seungcheol feel slightly uneasy.

He brushed it off and downed the rest of his coffee, setting off to bother the other members.  
_____

They walked into the set, all dressed up and pretty, the interviewer who was a young male, probably only a few years older than Seungcheol himself, greeted them with a big flashy smile. They sat down and Seungcheol, as usual, began.

“Say the name-”

“Seventeen!”

“Hello we are Seventeen!”

The interview carried on from there.

It was like any other interview, he asked questions about their album and songs, which Jihoon answered a lot of. Questions about their performances and questions that came from their fans. Basic, expectable questions.

“S.Coups-ssi, out of all the members we don’t know a lot about your family! Could you share a little bit with us?”

That caught Seungcheol way off guard. No one ever asks about family, not even the members because it's a sensitive topic for all of them, and he was sure his manager always told interviewers beforehand that the group was not keen on family questions after Jun bursted into tears after being asked to talk about his family that he had to leave behind in China. He felt the other members tense up too. 

Seungcheol was the most quiet about his family to the members. Not once had he ever talked to them about it but they respected his privacy and never asked him. Seungcheol didn’t like the memories associated with family, to talk about it meant that he had to dig up the pain and sorrow he had buried all those years ago.

Nonetheless he was an idol, he was an entertainer. So he kept his media smile plastered on his face and took the mic from Wonwoo’s hands.

“Uh, yes. I have an older brother, we lived together for a few years before he went to study abroad” he answered hoping that it would satisfy the interviewer and move on to the next question.

“Do you still keep in contact with your brother a lot?” the interviewer went on. Seungcheol was beginning to get uncomfortable. Did the room get hotter?

“Of course! We text and call when we can but we’re both busy so it’s difficult” he lied.

The interviewer nodded seemingly content with the answer and finally moved on to ask another member a different question. Seungcheol passed the mic and breathed a sigh of relief.  
_____

Luckily the interview eventually ended and the members were now making their way to the fan sign after taking a lunch break.

Seungcheol took this time to relax and rest in the car. Fan signs involve a lot of people, which means a lot of noise and a lot of noise means Seungcheol needs to concentrate harder to know what’s happening. 

He loved meeting his fans but it was also mentally exhausting and sometimes he could barely make out what they were saying.

Walking into the venue he flinched at the hurling screams of the Carats and quickly reached into his pocket to find the remote that controlled his implant, switching the setting to where he could hear best in this situation.

Not noticing that Jihoon was watching his leader as he shied away from the noise. It wasn’t as loud as he remembered some fans could be but chalked it up to Seungcheol just being easily surprised.

They sat down in age order as they usually did and waited for the event to start. Seungcheol didn’t mind always having to sit beside Jeonghan, he was probably the member he was the closest to apart from Jisoo, and Seungcheol loved talking to the other man.

The fan sign went about as it always did, chatting and playing around with the fans. It was going well and Seungcheol was managing to keep up with what was happening. 

Now it was time for the album signing, quite probably Seungcheol’s favourite part of the whole thing because he can interact with the fans personally.

All of them were so kind and sweet to him, a girl even gave him an adorable plush dog that he kept in his lap for the remaining duration of the signing. Overall nothing out of the ordinary happened, until a fan came up with a friend that stayed right beside her. The fan was quiet and looked at her friend, who smiled at her and turned to Seungcheol.

“Hello, this is Misun, she’s deaf so I came with her to translate.”

Seungcheol was speechless. He had never met someone like him before, his parents never let him near others that were like him. He turned to the girl who looked at him earnestly. Looking closer you could spot the cochlear implant, similar to Seungcheol’s but not as advanced. He couldn’t help but sympathize with her but also feel guilty. He was born into a rich family that could provide him a specialized implant. Others weren’t so lucky though. Only now did he realize that he was fortunate to be able to hear as much as he can now.

Overtaken by emotion, he locked eyes with the girl, lifted his hands and without thinking about the consequences, he began to sign.

‘Hello Misun. It’s nice to meet you’

Both Misun and her friend stared at him in surprise. Fans awed in the back and he could feel his members eyes on him but he didn’t care. Yes, they’d question him later but he’ll find a way to lie to them. Right now, he wanted to make sure this girl in front of him was happy.

‘You know sign language?’ she signed

‘I’ve been learning it.’ 

She beamed at him and Seungcheol felt his heart melt as he saw the evidence of tears in Misun’s eyes. From there they had a lengthy conversation in sign before she moved on to the next member.  
_____

“Hyung! Since when did you know sign language?” Mingyu asked as they walked into the dorm, other members perked up as well, curious for the answer.

Seungcheol only laughed, “I watched a video where Mamamoo sunbae-nim met a deaf fan so I decided to try and learn sign language just in case we met a fan who was deaf.”

“Wow Hyung! You’re so caring!” Chan exclaimed, earning a hum of agreements from the rest of the members before they all retreated to their respective bedrooms.

Seungcheol crashed into his bed, mentally drained. The members bought his lie so easily, he sighed in relief and let sleep take over him.

All he did was sign. They couldn’t find out just from that, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading! I'm not sure when the next chapter will come out but i'm working on it!
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> -Kii :))


	3. Here Comes The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter! Hope you enjoy! :)))

As expected, the news about Seungcheol’s interaction with the fan was on social media the morning after. He scrolled through multiple posts with various similar comments, voicing their surprise and praises at Seungcheol’s actions.The leader wasn’t used to getting so much attention. He knew he wasn’t as popular as the other members, so this was kind of nice for him.

There was a certain post that really stood out to him, it was the picture he took with Misun at the fan sign, the caption read:

_‘I’m so surprised but so lucky that Seungcheol oppa knew sign language! I could finally talk with an idol without the need of a translator! Thank you to Seungcheol oppa for making it one of the best days of my life!’_

He smiled at the post. It made him so happy that he could make a small impact on someone's life just by being able to communicate with them. As an entertainer, it was an accomplishment.

_____

Eventually the hype around the situation died down quite quickly and the members have practically forgotten about the incident within a few days. Which was fortunate for Seungcheol, as good as it felt being recognized, he wished it was for a different reason. A reason not connected to a lie he’s been telling almost all his life. But he doesn’t regret it, the smile he gained from Misun made it all worth it.

A tap on his shoulder broke him out of his thoughts. Looking up from his phone he saw Jisoo staring at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Seungcheol was looking at him, looking at his mouth move, then realizing he couldn’t hear anything. He panicked, his sound processor must be on the wrong setting! Quickly he reached into his pocket and turned up the volume.

“-lie, Cheolie! Were you listening?”

Seungcheol grinned nervously at the younger, “Sorry Shua, I was caught in my thoughts, what’s wrong?” he hoped that Jisoo wouldn’t question him. He mentally scolded himself. _Choi Seungcheol, how could you have been so careless?_

“I was asking if you’re coming to the studio with us, Soonyoung wants to rehearse a few songs before our schedule today.”

“Oh! Yeah of course, uh you guys go ahead, I just need to do something quickly.” he replied, not waiting for Jisoo’s answer and speed walked to the bathroom.

On the way out he bumped into Jihoon, who was standing near the doorway to the kitchen. He quickly apologized to the smaller member and continued on his way. Jihoon stared at the retreating back of his leader, wondering if he should follow the seemingly distressed elder.

“Jihoonie! Are you coming?” Soonyoung called out, and Jihoon contemplated for a second before deciding that he just read the situation wrong and followed Soonyoung to the studio with the rest of the members.

_____

Seungcheol locked himself in the bathroom, letting out a stuttering breath. He had sworn that he turned on the sound processor to the right setting before he left his room. Pulling out the small remote from his pocket, he examined the machine, turning the knob, he felt as the world became completely silent before he turned it in the opposite direction and felt the sound come back to his ears. It seemed to be working just fine.

Maybe it was just his mistake.

He put the remote into his back pocket, giving himself a few deep breaths and rubbed his chest to get rid of the heavy feeling, before opening the door and heading to the studio to meet the rest of the members.

_____

Practice was lasting longer than Seungcheol had wanted it to. This was probably the seventh time they’ve run through _‘Hit’_ and his body was definitely feeling it. Although _‘Hit’_ was one of his favorite songs because he could feel the vibrations and the bass more prominently through the ground as they danced, the choreography was intricate and fast paced making it very tiring.

Going on to the eighth run through, Seungcheol was really exhausted, the weighing feeling in his chest from earlier today still wasn’t gone, the incident from before was also lingering in his head. How long had he been unable to hear Jisoo? From the other not questioning him about it probably meant it wasn’t for long, but what would’ve happened if it had been for longer? How could he have played that off? What lie would he tell them this time?

Because of Seungcheol’s running thoughts, he wasn’t paying attention to his positioning, so as he was about to walk to the center to do his part, he ran straight into Seungkwan and tripped over Jeonghan’s foot, sending him to the ground. He groaned, rubbing his behind. He was definitely going to feel that tomorrow.

The music stopped and the members gathered around their leader that was still on the floor. “Cheol you okay?” Jeonghan asked as he helped the leader off the ground.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I got distracted.” he replied, moving to the side to get water.

He didn’t notice Jeonghan and Jisoo trailing behind him. When Seungcheol sat down against the wall, the two sat down beside him, trapping the leader between them.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” the second oldest asked again as he combed through Seungcheol’s sweaty hair.

“Yeah, I told you, I was distracted.” he mumbled back, maybe a little harsher than he wanted to. He knows Jeonghan liked to fret over everyone, there was a reason everyone labelled him as Seventeen’s mom but he was seriously not in the mood for interrogation.

“You were distracted earlier today too.” joined in Jisoo, massaging his arm gently “Is something on your mind?”

God, Seungcheol hated the effect the two had on him. It wasn’t news that there was something going on between the three of them and maybe coming clean would finally lift the weight off his shoulders, but even if his heart wanted to, he knew he couldn’t. He has been lying to them for years, there was something there, yes, but it wasn’t trust.

Luckily their manager was Seungcheol’s saving grace and he walked in just in time to tell the members to head back to the dorm and get ready for the talk show they had later tonight. Seungcheol quickly stood up, grabbed his stuff and went back to the dorms. Ignoring Jisoo for the second time today.

_____

Seungcheol hated talk shows, they were like interviews, just with more people asking you questions in a semi-bigger room with more appealing decoration. Thinking about it, he doesn’t like a lot of things, but he’s an idol. A successful one. Whether he liked or not, it wasn’t up to him. So here he was sitting on a stool at the very edge where he liked it, eyes darting back and forth between the hosts and his members doing his best to keep up with the discussion.

Right now they were talking about their success and how they’ve grown in popularity. Seokmin was the one answering the question but Seungcheol wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying. There was a ringing in his ear that started a few minutes after they had begun recording and it was getting harder to hear the conversation.

The ringing turned into a buzzing, pulsating feeling and Seungcheol reached into his pocket to fiddle with the remote. Turning and turning trying to get rid of the noise. It continued on for a few more minutes before suddenly it all went quiet. Seungcheol looked around but the hosts and members were still talking. He could see their mouths moving.

He tried turning the remote again but nothing. No matter what setting he put it on, he couldn’t hear anything.

And then it hit him.

The sound processor has malfunctioned.

He looked around frantically, Seokmin was still talking so he had time, he searched behind the camera trying to spot one of the managers. To his absolute joy, he saw manager Younghwan-hyung sitting on the side munching on an apple. Seungcheol stared at his manager waiting for the other to make eye contact with him, when he did, he raised his eyebrows questioningly at Seungcheol. His way of asking what’s wrong.

From there he slowly brought down his hand to where the camera, the hosts and the members won’t see, maintaining eye contact with his manager, he watched as the other followed his hand. He slowly began to spell out in sign:

_‘Help. Stop. Camera.’_

The manager looked at Seungcheol in alarm and he could only look back with desperation.

He watched as Younghwan-hyung got up and approached the director, whispering something into his ear. The director nodded and called out “Cut! Let’s take a break.” or at least that’s what Seungcheol could lip read. The members and hosts got up from their seats and proceeded to do their own thing while Seungcheol practically ran to his manager taking him to the back where the others couldn’t see him.

Seungcheol began signing nervously _‘My sound processor isn’t working. I can’t hear anything.’_

 _‘You didn’t bring your spare?’_ the manager signed back, worry evident on his face. Seungcheol shook his head, he had forgotten it at the dorm.

 _‘Hyung, what do I do? There’s too many people, it’s too hard to lip read’_ he felt his chest constrict, it was getting harder to breathe. How could he forget it?

The manager grabbed his shoulders, forcing the younger to look at him. _‘It will be okay, I need you to breathe.’_ he signed and began to inhale and exhale trying to get Seungcheol to replicate his breathing. _‘Try to lip read as best you can. I will sign the rest of it to you.’_ the leader could only nod. The director was already calling them back so this was the plan they could go with.

Seungcheol sat there for two more hours, feeling the sweat trickle down the back of his neck. His eyes glued to his manager as he signed everything to him. Luckily Seungcheol was only asked one question throughout the whole thing which means he only had to gamble with what he was saying once. His manager gave him a thumbs up signalling to Seungcheol that his sentence was understandable.

By the end of it, Seungcheol was completely and utterly dead. Two hours of pure anxiety not being able to hear what was happening and relying on his manager to keep him up to date. He sat in the car waiting for the rest of the members to get out before turning to his manager.

 _‘Thank you hyung. I wouldn’t know what to do without you.’_ the elder just smiled and ruffled Seungcheol’s hair.

 _‘You’re welcome Cheol.’_ he signed happily. Seungcheol saw his manager hesitate for a second before his expression turned serious _‘How long do you plan on keeping this from the members? You know it would be easier if you told them.’_ Seungcheol didn’t meet his eyes. Would it really be easier? He had his doubts.

 _‘It’s hard to explain’_ he signed before thanking the manager once more and getting out of the car. Inside he went straight into his room and grabbed his spare processor, replacing the old one. He breathed a sigh of relief hearing the world come alive around him. He threw himself into his bed and promptly passed out.

Today was a close call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, seems like Cheol's luck is finally beginning to run out. :0
> 
> Also, the romance is now being sprinkled in. ;)


	4. A Light Shower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah another chapter already? :0000

Seungcheol was not avoiding Jeonghan and Jisoo.

He just couldn’t find a good time to talk to them. Looking back, he didn’t really get the chance to apologize to Jeonghan for sassing him or to Jisoo for ignoring him. He knew the two were just concerned but that day his processor malfunctioned really shook him up and now he’s more weary about everything.

His back is never turned and he’s hyper aware of his surroundings making sure he always knew when someone was talking, just in case his processor would malfunction again. Heck he even cut his sleeping hours short, waking up at ungodly hours in the morning instead of his usual one hour ahead to make sure he doesn’t accidentally sleep in and have to have a member wake him up, only for him not to wake up because his processor wasn’t on and he couldn’t hear them.

It was a tad too far, especially the sleeping thing. His original processor was old and he had used it for years, of course the time would come when he had to replace it. It just happened to be at a terrible time. He was uneasy and worried. He just needed to collect himself. That was it.

So why is it when he finally did, he couldn’t man up and talk to them?

_____

“That’s bull and you know it.” Jihoon told him one day, the two had stayed behind to write some lyrics, but Seungcheol hadn’t been able to focus due to obvious reasons.

Seungcheol looked at the producer surprised at his sudden outburst, “What do you mean?” he asked, making the younger turn in his chair glaring at his leader as if he was being an idiot.

“It’s all over your face, Coups-hyung. You’re too scared to go and apologize for that time in the practice room so you opted to ignore them instead. But you won’t admit you’re scared so you tell yourself you’re busy. Just go and talk to them, you're creeping the kids out when the three of you aren’t together.” he deadpanned.

“Huh? I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m not ignoring them!” Seungcheol claimed, but he knew that Jihoon saw right through him. His gaze was burning holes into Seungcheol, before he rolled his eyes and turned his back to the leader.

“Hyung, you may be good at seeing through us when we’re lying, but we all know you are the worst liar out of all thirteen of us.” he said as he fiddled around with the papers on his desk. Seungcheol flopped on the couch pouting at the producer, okay he was scared. What of it?

_____

It had been over a week now and as much as Seungcheol denied it, he dreaded the distance between him and the two vocalists, however he still refused to do anything about it. He knew he was being stupid not only with how he was treating the other two but also with his precautions after the processor incident, he couldn’t help it though.

He hated being diminished to that, to have to rely on another person to do something as simple as keeping up with a conversation. His manager had already done so much for Seunghcheol and he had to drag the other down with him just because he couldn’t hear. It was pathetic. He was pathetic. A chill ran down his spine knowing those were the exact words his father would’ve said to him.

Would his members think the same if they found out? He wondered.

_____

The group was having a movie night, their usual routine to enjoy the last few days of calm before they prepared for their concert. Movies were basically just watching people move for Seungcheol as it was difficult for him to hear it. Captions were never turned on and unlike in the movie theatre where the movie itself is loud enough to register, the group likes to keep the movie semi-quiet. It was more of a bask in each other's presence kind of thing than for the enjoyment of the movie.

Of course there are times when the group decides to rewatch a movie they particularly have a bone to pick with and spend the whole night yelling at the TV. Those were the times Seungcheol lowkey had trauma from. Seungkwan loved to rewatch Frozen and scream at Anna for being annoying. It was scary. The others joined in too and having five plus people yelling at a screen gave Seungcheol a headache.

Luckily it was one of those quiet nights. Seungcheol had got home late due to having a meeting with the production team and had told the others to start without him. Walking into the living room he internally face-palmed, his favourite armchair was taken by Jihoon and the other couches were taken by the rest of the kids. Leaving the only spot for him being in the sofa occupied by Jeonghan and Jisoo. Usually the middle spot would be taken by Chan but the maknae had decided to sit with Jun and Minghao tonight.

Jihoon met his eyes as he walked into the room, a knowing smirk on his face.

_‘That little shit’_

Too tired to ask for a seat change he accepted his fate, pulled up his hood and sat down between the duo, making himself as small as possible so he wasn’t invading their space.

Looking at the screen he saw that they had just started ‘The Notebook’, probably Wonwoo’s suggestion. Since the atmosphere was serene he turned down the volume and sensitivity of the processor. He wasn’t a big fan of sappy love stories so he wasn’t really watching the movie as he was just staring at the moving figures.

Eventually he felt his eyes start to droop, he was tired. His stupid precautions were seriously doing a number on him, so he made a mental note to stop before his eyes shut and he welcomed the darkness. Completely forgetting who he was sitting with.

Jeonghan jumped when he felt a sudden weight on his lap. Looking down he saw Seungcheol curled up into a tiny ball, completely passed out on him. He met eyes with Jisoo who was staring adoringly at the rapper. Their leader must’ve been exhausted. Quickly Jisoo moved in, placing Seungcheol’s legs in his lap, lightly caressing his limbs. Jeonghan on the other hand softly pet his head, watching as the other breathed.

They had known the other was avoiding them since the time in the practice room where they asked if something was going on. Figuring they had overstepped, the two had waited until the leader was comfortable enough to tell them what was happening, but Seungcheol never did, so they asked Jihoon for a little bit of help.Which brought them to now, finally having Seungcheol close to them after over a week of avoiding. They would talk to him about it tomorrow but for now they just wanted to take care of the tired ball in front of them.

_____

Seungcheol could feel himself drift back into consciousness, looking around he noticed he was still in the living room minus the other members who had retreated back into their beds. Did they not wake him up after he had fallen asleep?

That’s when he noticed.

It wasn’t the couch his head was placed on, it was a lap.

Jeonghan’s lap.

And his legs, were on Jisoo’s.

The pair were both in deep sleep. With the sudden realization of the position he was in, he scrambled to get away, effectively rolling off of the couch and on to the cold, hard floor.

He groaned as he made contact with the ground, feeling too tired to lift himself off and head to his room, he stayed laying on the carpet. He could sleep here, it was comfortable enough.

“Cheolie?” Jisoo called out, “What are you doing on the floor?”

Seungcheol chuckled quietly as he made eye contact with the younger, “ I fell off. I guess?”

Rubbing his sleepy eyes, Jisoo stood, pulling the leader from the ground and back onto the couch. Seungcheol figured this was his que, it was now or never.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered.

“Hm?” was Jisoo’s only reply.

“I said I was sorry, for ignoring you. And I’m sorry to Jeonghan too for sassing him.” he said, noticing as the other male woke from his sleep to listen to their conversation.

“I know you were just worried. I shouldn’t have acted like that. I’m sorry.” he finished off. Not looking at either of the two’s eyes, waiting for a response.

Two pairs of arms wrapped around Seungcheol encasing him with warmth.

“We know. We’re sorry too, it was obvious you weren’t in a good mood but we kept pressing.” Jeonghan said in a low voice as he laid his head on Seungcheol’s shoulders.

Jisoo hummed in agreement, “You’d tell us if something was wrong. Right?”

Seungcheol froze at that, before looking up at the other with a smile. “

Yeah of course I would.”

That smile, didn’t reach his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a little more relationship building cuz even tho this story isn't romance centered, we all need some love in our lives right? 
> 
> Also this chapter is a fluffier with tiny bit of angst. Not too heavy
> 
> Cuz *Spoiler Alert*: Shits bout to go down next few chapters ;)))
> 
> This aint the best chapter so sorry if it kinda sucked but i'm still trying to improve my writing. As for the next chapter, im excited to write it but i still have school work sadly so idk when it'll come out.
> 
> Shouldn't be too long tho! Stay safe and thanks for the support!
> 
> -Kii :D


	5. Standing Under Hail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter! 
> 
> Sorry it took longer than usual! Hope you enjoy!

**_‘Swon Corp Chairman Hospitalized’_ **

_‘Chairman of the multi-million dollar company; Swon Corp,was rushed to the hospital early this morning due to a collision with another vehicle._

_The Chairman’s wife and their butler were also in the vehicle when it crashed._

_Both the Chairman and his wife are in critical condition and as of now it is unknown whether the couple will pull through._

_Sadly their butler of over 25 years, Lee Kangdae, who was driving the car at the time, died upon arrival. His family is currently planning his funeral which will take place sometime this month._

_Their son who has been studying abroad, momentarily stopped his studies and is on his way back to support his family and take his father’s place in Swon Corp for the time being. Truly this is an unfortunate event.’_

Seungcheol, stared.

Just stared at the phone in his hands.

He had probably read the article five times already but he couldn’t really wrap his head around it. He didn’t want to wrap his head around it. How was he supposed to react to that? What was he supposed to feel?

His parents are in a hospital fighting for their lives.

And he was in a country thousands of miles away.

But were they really his parents? He remembers very clearly, the day he walked out that door and flew to Korea, he was no longer part of their family. He was no longer their son. Honestly, was he really even their son in the first place? Because they sure as hell didn’t act like it.

Does that mean he shouldn’t care?

For Seungcheol, he actually doesn’t know. Reading that article, he didn’t feel devastated. Or sad, or guilty. He didn’t feel anything.

Ten years. It's been ten years and now does the world expect him to hop his way back to his parents? No. Because he remembers. He remembers everything. Their blood might run through his veins. But not once did he ever think he was one of them. Not once did they ever make him feel like he was one of them.

The only name that sent a pang of guilt through his heart was Lee Kangdae. His butler’s name. The only person Seungcheol had ever seen as a father. Lee Kangdae raised him because his parents wouldn’t, and Seungcheol left him behind.

Now he was dead.

And Seungcheol never got the chance to say goodbye.

He lost the chance to thank the man that made him the person he was today. He lost the chance to say ‘I’m sorry.’ He lost the chance to tell him how much he had impacted Seungcheol’s life. He lost that.

Now he felt selfish because he left behind that old man that loved Seungcheol with all his heart. The first person to love Seungcheol as he was. Who loved him even if he was deaf. Who loved him even when his own parents didn’t.

He left that man behind to chase his own wants.

And now that man was dead.

That night, Seungcheol could do nothing but stare.

_____

Waking up the next morning, everything felt heavy. As if weights had attached themselves to Seungcheol’s limbs, dragging him down with each movement. It was torturous. But he couldn’t slack off even if his body begged him to. Their concert was steadily approaching and everyone was stressed, piled with work to prepare for it. Seungcheol was the leader, the oldest. He sets the example and he has most of the responsibilities.

He couldn’t complain, especially when his members are working so hard.

So he pushed himself off the bed and made his way to the kitchen to make breakfast. Usually either Jun or Mingyu would cook but the two had tired themselves out the other day practicing for the performance. Seungcheol could cook this time.

Then he went to wake the rest of Seventeen. Breakfast was quiet, everyone soaking up the last few moments of relaxation before they went to the studio to rehearse until the sun rises. Seungcheol had only been awake for an hour but he felt even worse than when he got up. Looking around however, the other members were in their own state of disarray and exhaustion. Seungcheol shaked the feeling off and ushered the rest to wash up while he cleaned the dishes.

_____

They had been practicing for five hours straight already when their producer walked in.

“Seungkwan, Seokmin and Soonyoung. Have you planned out what you want to do for your stage?” the producer asked flipping through the papers in his hands. They were plans for the concert.

“What you do mean plans?” Soonyoung asked, stopping the music, while telling the rest of the members to take a break.

“Did Seungcheol not tell you?” he asked, surprised. Both him and the trio looked at Seungcheol expectantly.

_‘Crap.’_

He had been so caught up in the news that he had forgotten.

Seungcheol bowed in apology and shame “I’m sorry, I forgot to tell them.” the producer sighed, rubbing his forehead. He was the one who people are supposed to depend on. Yet here he was causing more trouble for everyone. Seungcheol couldn’t meet their eyes. So much for being a leader.

“Nonetheless, BooSeokSoon, I need a plan of how you’re going to perform ‘Just Do It’ . If I could know by the end of today, that would be great. Seungcheol I expected better from you.” with that he left the room. Seungcheol tried to hide the flinch at the producers' words but he couldn’t help but let it show. He just hoped no one had noticed.

The trio groaned. Soonyoung especially looked stressed. Seungcheol knew he just added to the performance team leader’s problems. Now Soonyoung had to pause on leading the dance practice to focus on the trio.

_‘Nice going Seungcheol.’_

He apologized again, only for the three to brush him off and move to the side to plan out their performance but he could feel their annoyance. It surrounded them like perfume. Seungcheol has always been good at that. Reading people.

Thankfully the three finished within an hour and sent the plan to the producer who was very much relieved. Now they were able to return to practicing as a full group. Seungcheol still felt apologetic towards them however, he was failing them as a leader.

_____

It was nearing one in the morning when they stopped for their second break. Seungcheol flopped on the ground and pulled out his phone. Immediately he came across another article. An update of his parent’s crash.

_‘As of now, it is not looking good for the couple, they have finished surgery and have been moved to the ICU where they are being watched carefully. However they show no signs of waking._

_Their son landed early this morning and has stepped up in Swon Corp. The company has stated that it is doing well and will await the return of their Chairman._

_Lee Kangdae’s funeral has been set to the twenty sixth of this month. In hopes the couple will be healed enough by then to be able to attend.’_

Seungcheol shouldn’t have clicked on that.

The aching guilt.

The regret.

Only worsened.

For a man Seungcheol owed his life to,

He couldn’t even attend his funeral.

But he also felt like he had no right. Seungcheol chose to leave. He chose to escape. Now he has to suffer the consequences for his selfishness. Forever will he hold onto the burdening feeling. Like a punishment.

For the rest of practice, the news overloaded his mind. It was all he could think of. That sinking feeling in his stomach that he couldn’t ignore as much as he wanted to. Unfortunately, distractions lead to mistakes.

He had bumped into Seungkwan again, for who knows what time. And he heard the collective, irritated sighs of his members knowing they had to restart again.

“Hyung can’t you just get it right so we can all go home?” Wonwoo whined, massaging his aching limbs. He could only apologize to the younger, at which he inwardly hit himself, how many times has he apologized? Was that all he could do? Apologize? He pleaded with himself to get a grip. They had done this dance thousands of times. He should easily be able to do them.

But why couldn’t he?

What Seungcheol did in the past should only ever affect him, but here he was, making it harder for his teammates. Once again it makes him a terrible leader and he was beginning to believe his members think so too.

Throughout every song they practiced, throughout all the varying beats, the vibrations he felt through the ground, the whirling thoughts and the unidentifiable emotions, all of it only increased the pounding in his head. To the point he could barely hear the music anymore and only heard the unrelenting pulses of his brain.

The music started and Seungcheol messed up. Again. More groans sounded throughout the studio. The piling anger filled the room but it was quiet.

Until finally, someone snapped.

“Oh my god Seungcheol! Can’t you just do it right! We’ve been at this for hours! Hours! Because you keep messing up! We’re all tired, we wanna go home!” Soonyoung shouted, finally having enough of it.

Seungcheol flinched at the sudden increase in volume. He hates yelling. He hated being yelled at even more, because the loud volume hurts and with this headache he’s been ignoring for the past nineteen hours, the yelling was going to make it much, much worse.

“Kwon Soonyoung! He is still your hyung! Do not yell at him!” Jeonghan scolded, not tolerating the disrespect. The performance team leader let out a frustrated cry.

“Exactly! He’s the oldest and the leader! He should be leading us! Not making it harder for everyone else because his head is up on some cloud!”

“Hyung, you need to calm down.” Mingyu said quietly trying to console his angered teammate but it only seemed to fuel his rage.

“Oh come on Mingyu! You even said Seungcheol’s been distracted recently and it was worrying because he should be focused on the concert!”

“Mingyu is that true?” Jisoo asked, joining into the conversation.

“Soonyoung hyung! Don’t bring me into this!” Mingyu yelled trying to defend himself and suddenly the other members who had remained quiet, joined in. Trying to calm each other, blame each other, protect each other.

Twelve voices, in one room. Just yelling.

Seungcheol could almost feel his ears start to bleed. God, it was so loud. He couldn’t even hear the words being hollered out, only the sound increasing and increasing until he felt like the ground was shaking. It was excruciatingly painful, he began to feel his heart rate increase and suddenly air was harder to breathe. He felt like he was spinning. Rationally he could turn the processor off, but he was too unstable to move. Like his cognitive motor had given up.

_‘Make them stop. Someone please make them stop.’_

He begged but no one heard him.

He couldn’t take it.

“EVERYONE SHUT UP!” Seungcheol roared out.

The whole room froze. Seungcheol never raised his voice.

“JUST SHUT UP!” he screamed again and oh god, he was so lightheaded, he was gonna pass out. But not here. He couldn’t pass out here. Not in front of everybody.

So he ran.

Without looking back, he ran all the way to the dorm.

Throwing himself into his room, he slammed the door shut and locked it. It was so loud. There was no one in the dorm but it was so painfully ear-splitting. Everything felt as if it was blaring. His ears pounding. It was too much. He didn’t want to hear it.

Seungcheol grabbed his processor and yanked it off, causing it to fly somewhere on the bed. It went quieter but the ringing hadn’t disappeared. Backing into the corner of the room, he curled into a ball, trying to get himself to breathe. Trying to slow his heartbeat so at least it was one less thing to worry about. But It wasn’t working. He doesn’t think he remembers how to breathe.

It just felt so _dreadful._

The swirling thoughts that jumbled in his head throughout the whole day just kept repeating. An onslaught of guilt. His own personal torture.

He ditched the man who was the first to treat him like a person for his own dreams, no, because he wanted to run away. Because he was a coward and couldn’t face his parents. He was an irresponsible leader who just keeps making it harder for everyone. He yelled at his members and ran.

Oh god. He yelled at them and just ran.

They probably hated him. Maybe they have for a while. But it’s okay, Seungcheol told himself, because he does too. And once they find out his secret they’ll hate him even more. They’ll find out their leader was a selfish, cowardly, liar.

That’s when the last bit of air Seungcheol was holding on to, was knocked out of him completely.

He felt sick.

Grabbing the trash can, he hurled his breakfast and the three water bottles he drank, into it. Emptying his whole stomach. His arms supported his weight when his chest impossibly tightened even more, like someone was trying to rip his heart out and Seungcheol no longer had the power to keep himself upright. He sat there gasping for air but seemingly it wouldn’t reach his lungs. He tugged on his hair trying to find something to ground him but nothing would work. He felt like he was dying.

Then he felt hands tug at his wrists, trying to pull them away from his head. He screamed ‘No!’ and resisted but the hands stayed where they were. Rubbing circles into his bones. It felt, safe.

So Seungcheol stopped resisting and let his arms be pulled away from his head. Suddenly his palm was placed on a solid chest. He could feel the person’s heart beat. Slow and steady. He felt the chest rise and fall, it was calming.

So Seungcheol tried to copy it. In and out. In and out.

Slowly he felt air flow back into his lungs and the fog in his head cleared. Through blurry eyes he looked at the person in front of him. He was holding something. A paper? The person placed it in Seungcheol’s hands, where he could read it.

_‘Can you hear me?’_

Seungcheol’s head whipped up to come face to face with,

Lee Jihoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUNDUNDUNNNNNNN
> 
> Did I just leave it on a cliff hanger? I think I just did!  
> Has Jihoon found out? Has he not? You'll have to wait!:0
> 
> Also sorry this took so long, I wanted to get the emotions properly through which was really hard.   
> This is an insight to Cheol's inner turmoil, cuz yknow, we all love some good angst!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	6. Sheltered By An Umbrella

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter! Hope you enjoy it!

_‘Oh shit’_

Lee Jihoon, was right there in front of him. Asking him if he could hear.

_‘He knows. Oh my god he knows.’_

Seungcheol gaped at Jihoon, unmoving. He’s been caught. The lie he’s told for so long, has been revealed to a person that he never wanted to find out. The one thing he thought he could do right, he failed at.

At a loss of what to do, Seungcheol, bursted into tears.

Fat, ugly tears waterfalling down his face. Gut-wrenching sobs that echoed through the room and Jihoon could do nothing but watch as he broke down in front of him. Seungcheol crying was a sight he had never seen before.. Stuttering breaths took Jihoon out of his thoughts. Noticing that Seungcheol was about to throw himself into another panic, he ran to the bed and grabbed his processor, hooking back onto Seungcheol’s ear.

“Hyung.” he whispered “Can you hear me?”

Seungcheol didn’t say anything but he nodded, curling into himself even more, not making eye contact with the younger. That’s when it hit him. Seungcheol was scared. He was scared of him.

Slowly he cradled his hands around the leaders face, trying not to startle the other. He made Seungcheol look at him but it hurt to see the red, teary eyes of his hyung.

“I need you to listen okay?” Jihoon said, keeping his voice low and even, Seungcheol nodded again.

“I’m not mad or upset at you. Neither is any of the other members. You’re at the dorm, it’s just me and you, you’re safe. I promise you, you’re safe. Everyone is still at the studio, they are really sorry. Especially Soonyoung, he didn’t mean what he said. We don’t hate you Seungcheol hyung. I don’t hate you.”

As Jihoon softly spoke to him, Seungcheol’s sobs had died down, reduced to quiet hiccups. Little by little he gathered the courage to ask,

“How did you find out?”

Jihoon smiled at him and pulled the older into his arms.

“I guess I’ve always noticed your weird little habits. Sometimes you don’t realize someone’s talking to you, like you’re not paying attention and you always seem to have a hard time keeping up with group discussions. Everytime you listen to music, you put it on a speaker and you like to hold it. Even in the practice rooms, when you think no one's watching, I see you holding the speaker, feeling it. You flinch at loud noises even though they’re not always that loud.

I found it odd, but I wrote it off as just weird habits. Then at the fansign you used sign language to talk to the fan. You had never mentioned sign language to any of us before. Then you said you started to learn it recently, but the way you moved your hands, it wasn’t that of a beginner, you looked like a seasoned pro. And I know you have a terrible memory.

I thought maybe I was overthinking it but then I saw you in the kitchen with Shua hyung, he had been talking to you for five minutes straight. Yet you didn’t notice a thing. You also always fiddle around with something in your pocket whenever someone speaks to you.

I knew something was up with you but I never really knew what. Until that talk show where the director suddenly called for a break. I saw you in the waiting room with manager hyung. I had no idea what you guys were saying but I had a pretty good idea from there. I knew he was signing everything we were saying to you in the back.

I asked him about it later and he said it wasn’t his information to tell. So I was going to confront you about it after the concert when everything had calmed down. But then today happened and when you walked out, I followed you, telling the others to give you space.”

Seungcheol stayed in Jihoon’s arms as he processed the information. He should’ve known Jihoon would’ve picked up on something. That kid was obnoxiously aware.

“Does anyone else know?” he asked quietly and he could feel as Jihoon shook his head.

“As far as I know, no. You’d think Jeonghan and Jisoo hyung would find out first but those two are the densest idiots I’ve ever met.” Seungcheol chuckled and slapped Jihoon lightly on the shoulder.

“Yah. They’re still your hyungs.” He wasn’t looking the song writer in the face but he could tell the other was rolling his eyes.

Jihoon stood up, helping Seungcheol up with him. “Let’s get you into cleaner clothes, today was really rough for you.” He said as he pulled the older into the bathroom.

“You’re not going to ask me what happend?” The leader asked quietly. Jihoon stopped pulling him and turned to stare right at Seungcheol.

“I’m not gonna lie, I have a lot of questions not only about today but in general. But I know that when you're ready to tell me, you’ll tell me. So I won’t ask.”

Seungcheol could feel tears sting his eyes again but this time he kept it in. “Thank you, Jihoon.” The younger smiled at him.

“Of course. And don’t worry hyung. I won’t say anything. It’s your secret to tell but now that I know, let me help you okay?” A happy grin flushed on Seungcheol’s face. Many think Jihoon was cold towards others, but he could see the sincerity in his dongsaeng’s eyes.

_____

After getting Seungcheol into bed and waiting for him to fall asleep, Jihoon texted the other members that they could come back to the dorm. He waited in the living room, watching as the other eleven trickled their way in.

“All of you sit down.” he growled out, pure anger spilling through his voice. Jihoon could see as they flinched at his tone. Hurriedly the members sat down, all of them quiet, waiting for Jihoon to speak.

“Seungcheol hyung is currently asleep. None of you are going to disturb him. Even you, Jeonghan and Jisoo hyung.” he said as his eyes surveyed the room. The two hyungs nodded at the younger and Jihoon took that as a que to continue.

“The situation today was uncalled for. Especially from you Soonyoung.” The older could only stare at the ground, Jihoon always had a soft spot for Soonyoung but the stunt he pulled today ticked Jihoon off.

They hurt Seungcheol. The Seungcheol that Jihoon owed so much to, to see him the way he was, broke his heart. He had always seen the elder as a strong, dependable leader. He was the core that held them together. He always knew what to do, and he seemed so, troubleless. He felt stupid to have thought that Seungcheol was invincible. All of them thought he was.

But he wasn’t. He carried their baggage along with his own. He hid the reality of himself because he thought he couldn’t tell them the truth. He didn’t trust them, he was scared. What happened today, having his own members turn on him, just proved his beliefs.

“I know most of you didn’t really do anything wrong. But some of you overstepped.” He looked at Soonyoung and Mingyu specifically.

“I want everyone to remember what Seungcheol hyung has done for each and everyone of us. Soonyoung, when you couldn’t finish the choreography in the time frame the producer hyungs wanted you to, who took the blame for you? Who got yelled at instead of you?

When you didn’t have confidence in yourself, who stayed up all night with you to assure you and help you? When you had trouble with a song, who changed the lyrics that they wrote and had special attachment to so you could be more comfortable?

Mingyu, when management said you couldn’t go home for the holiday, who gave up their right to see their family so you could? When you had trouble with your rap, who stuck with you to practice and guide you until you were satisfied? Who made coffee every morning for you because he knows you love coffee?”

Everyone was silent, Soonyoung and Mingyu had tears in their eyes at Jihoon’s words. He didn’t like making his members feel bad, but Jihoon knew they needed to hear this. When he first found out about Seungcheol’s secret, he was so confused.

Why didn’t he tell any of them? They were supposed to be family and yet he kept a very important fact about himself a secret? In all honesty, he was sort of angry. However when he really thought about it, he realized that everyone has their own reasons.

He realized Seungcheol had every right to not tell them because it was his life. And maybe, something happened in Seungcheol’s life before he had met them that made him hide it. So instead, he promised to be there for the leader and slowly try to show Seungcheol he could trust them. That they would accept him.

“Seungcheol hyung has done so much for all of us, and I understand everyone is stressed but he especially is. He’s our leader, he’s given the most responsibility and when we should’ve been there to help him shoulder the burden, he got told off for being tired.

You two, owe him the biggest apology. And the rest of you, I hope this never happens again. Tomorrow when he wakes up, we’re all gathering here again. I already told the managers.” he looked around the room one more time before getting up and going to his bedroom. Leaving the rest to ponder.  
_____

Seungcheol woke up feeling a little lighter than before. He smiled at the ceiling when he remembered last night. Yes, it had been terrible for the most part and he was still feeling the effects of yesterday but Jihoon knows. Jihoon knows and he doesn’t hate him. He accepted Seungcheol and said he’d help him.

It was one of the biggest surprises in his life. He thought maybe, if Jihoon was able to accept him, maybe the others could as well? Seungcheol stopped at that, he reminded himself to not hope because hoping is setting yourself up for disappointment.

“Are you awake hyung?” a voice called out from the doorway. Seungcheol turned and saw Jihoon leaning against the door frame.

“Hm? Oh yeah. Why?” he asked the younger.

“Could you come to the living room with me?” Jihoon said and Seungcheol saw on his face the uneasiness. He knew exactly where this was going.

“You’re gonna make me talk to them, aren’t you?” he questioned, watching as Jihoon nodded slowly. He sighed and got up.  
“Well, better get this done and over with.” with that, the pair set off to the living room.

When they walked in, Seungcheol stared at the members which were sitting on the couches with their eyes attached to the ground. They hadn't even noticed him and Jihoon walk in. Seungcheol took a seat at the empty couch, Jihoon sitting beside him. That was when the members noticed they were there.

It was quiet, and Seungcheol felt awkward under their gaze so he decided that he’d start the conversation.

“Hey guys, I’m sorry for yelling at you all. I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that. It’s not like me to yell so I’m sorry.” he said and immediately Jihoon slapped on the knee.

“Yah hyung! I didn’t bring you here to apologize to them! I brought you here so they could apologize to you!” then he turned to look at the other members “And you! Start freaking talking before I smack you all upside the head!”

It seemed Jihoon knocked them all out of their daze as Soonyoung straightened and looked his leader in the eyes.

“Seungcheol hyung, out of everyone where I owe you an apology the most. I was stressed and blew my anger off on you, which I know isn’t an excuse. All of us were under stress, you especially and I disregarded the fact that you have the highest expectations to live up to as leader. I took you for granted. I’m sorry hyung.” he stood and bowed in shame before sitting down.

Next, Mingyu began to speak.

“I also owe you an apology. I admit I said that I felt you were distracted and now I realize that with all the responsibilities you hold, why wouldn’t you be? You’re our leader, you're the oldest and you always help us no matter how busy you are. You do so much for us. I had no right to doubt you because all you ever do is think the best for us. I’m really sorry hyung.” he bowed and sat down, not looking the leader in the face.

“Hyung” Seungcheol perked up at the sound of Hansol’s voice “I think I speak for the rest of us when I say that what happened last night was really stupid. When we all joined in, it just escalated the situation more than it should’ve. We should’ve just let you guys handle it instead of making everything more stressful. We’re sorry hyung.”

At Hansol’s apology, a series of ‘sorry hyung’ resonated through the space and Seungcheol could feel his heart melt.

“Thank you guys. I know you didn’t mean it. It’s okay.”

Dammit. Seungcheol cursed at himself. He knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t help but gain a tiny sliver of hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOOM Member number one to find out: Lee Jihoon!!!  
> I would think it would be obvious he would be the first to find out since I was hinting at it.  
> I wonder whos next ;)  
> This is a little more fluffy cuz the members messed up and poor cheol was sadd  
> but can we all agree that Jihoon is best bro? he acts so cold when really he's soft.  
> and lets be honest, he totally whipped for cheol (I mean who isnt?)  
> THANK YOU! For all the support and Ill do by best to get the next chapter out as soon as a i can.  
> Stay safe!
> 
> -Kii:)))


	7. Trying To Stop The Rain

To have someone in the group to finally know was a huge relief to Seungcheol. It meant that he had one less person he was lying to and to have that person be Jihoon was in a way fitting.

Apart from Jeonghan and Jisso, Jihoon was the next person that Seungcheol was closest to. The pair of them always worked together and supported each other, now and before debut. He was proud to say he was one of the first members to get close to the producer and pull the other out of his cold exterior.

Now that he knew, everything was suddenly easier for Seungcheol.

Jihoon now made a habit to face Seungcheol when he’s talking or tap him on the shoulder before he begins a conversation. He would also nudge the leader when another member was talking to him and he didn’t notice. The other even made an effort to learn sign language so that he and Seungcheol could talk without the need of his processor. 

It was little things but Seungcheol was so thankful to him for it. Especially him learning sign language. Of course since he was young the rapper was put into speech therapy and now as an adult he can communicate just fine. Even if he couldn’t hear himself he still remembered how to create the sounds and how they feel, it just took some confidence that he wasn’t slurring.

He had to admit though that sometimes it was really tiring to talk, and there were some things that till this day he couldn’t pronounce well. Korean is a difficult language that has confusing pronunciation, the way you say certain things can change the meaning. He still had to think every time he speaks, while of course it took less time then in the past, it was still tiring.

Jihoon, most likely picked up on that and refused when Seungcheol told him that he didn’t need to learn sign language and that he could hear the younger just fine as long as he had the processor. He told the leader that he wanted to learn it so that Seungcheol could have some days where he didn’t have to wear the processor. Days where he can relax and be himself completely.

The rapper may or may not have cried like a child after hearing that.

_____

Once again it was a day full of just practice and rehearsals as the concert drew nearer. Currently they have stopped for lunch and Seungcheol was enjoying his burger when Jihoon called him over to his studio.

“Cheol hyung, come here for a sec.” the other regrettably parted from his delicious meal to follow the younger. Walking into the room, Jihoon was sitting at his desk fiddling with the phone in his hands.

“What’s wrong?” he asked but Jihoon only motioned for the rapper to sit down. When he did a speaker was placed into his hands.

“What’s this for?” Jihoon smiled and grabbed the controller from inside Seungcheol’s pocket, turning the processor off.

Everything became quiet and he looked at Jihoon confused, the other still didn’t reply to him and pressed something on his phone.

Suddenly, Seungcheol could feel the booms of a drum and the strum of the bass, along with the array of vibrations from the other parts of the music. It wasn’t any of their songs or any songs he’s heard before, this was most likely one of Jihoon’s demos. He couldn’t actually hear it but he could feel it, he could visualize it, and it was beautiful. 

The music stopped and Seungcheol put down the speaker to turn his processor back on. He looked at Jihoon in amazement.

“Was that a new song?” he asked and the other nodded.

“Yeah. I got inspiration from you so I made the song with a lot of bass and drums, things that make vibrations so that you could feel them.” the leader didn’t know how to reply, his member just made a song in a way he could listen to it without having to hear the actual music.

“I’ve been doing my research. Hyung I really want to help you. Even if it’s something small like letting you touch the speakers when we’re recording or having the subtitles on when we’re watching something. I want you to know that you can be yourself, you don’t have to be ashamed”

Seungcheol couldn’t help but feel touched by the younger's words. Yes, he didn’t want to be treated differently but this wasn’t the same. He didn’t want to be treated like glass, like he needed to be tended to every second of his life, that he was incapable. Jihoon wasn’t treating him like that. He treats Seungcheol as he always did, just with a few minor changes to help him.

It felt so reassuring. He stood from his seat and wrapped his arms around the vocalist, his unspoken way to thank him. He knew the younger liked to say he wasn’t big on skinship, but really he did, and he was proved right when the other reciprocated his hug.

“Cheol, Hoon, we’re going to start- Oh.” 

The pair broke from the embrace and turned to see Jisoo standing at the door, eyes and mouth wide open. 

“Since when did you two get so close?” Jisoo asked and the leader grinned at him brightly. 

“We were always close, Shua!” he claimed and backed it up by hugging Jihoon again only to be pushed away by the grumbling vocalist.

Jisoo just rolled his eyes and pulled the two by the arm. “Whatever, let’s go, Soonyoung wants to rehearse again.”

_____

Today was a rare break day for the group as the company wanted the group to take a rest before the concert so they were at tip top shape to perform. Most of the members had gone out to enjoy their day, leaving Jihoon who never liked to leave the dorm, Wonwoo who was dead asleep in his room, Seokmin and Chan who were off doing who knows what and Seungcheol who had wanted to stay and watch over the kids, the only ones in the dorm.

The rapper walked into Jihoon’s room and plopped on the empty spot of the bed, groaning into the mattress. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Jihoon asked as he scrolled through his phone.

“I have a headache from having to sit through Chan and Seokmin screeching like banshees for basically an hour.” he whined as he rolled over to the producers side of the bed shoving his head in between Jihoon’s elbow and stomach.

The other only hummed and carded his hands through Seungcheol’s hair. “Do you wanna take your processor off for a bit?” the rapper froze a little at that. Since Jihoon found out, he’s been convincing Seungcheol to have time to take off the processor and just embrace who he is.

Of course the older did so sometimes because if he was honest, he didn’t like wearing the processor. It felt weird and it was a constant reminder that he has a magnet inside his head. Which tie to the unappreciated memories of surgery.

“The kids are here though.” he whispered into Jihoon’s side.

“Wonwoo is completely passed out, he probably won’t wake up till dinner and I just heard Seokmin and Chan planning to go out to bother Hansol and Seungkwan on their date.” Seungcheol thought for a bit before reaching up to his ear and taking the processor out, feeling as the world became silent.

Jihoon took the processor out of his hand and placed it inside a drawer that none of the members touch because it’s Jihoon’s personal drawer and he hates when his things are touched.

It felt nice for Seungcheol, to just have the world go silent. He could feel the tremors from Jihoon which meant the other was either humming something or talking. He looked up to see the other with his headphones in, listening to some demos he had made. After a while Jihoon sat up and began to sign to Seungcheol.

_ ‘Do you wanna go watch a movie? We can watch action and I’ll turn on the subtitles.’ _ Action movies were Seungcheol’s favorite movies to watch. Seeing as those were usually loud and he could feel everything. He nodded and the pair headed to the living room.

_____

It was around seven at night when the members came back to the dorm bearing food. Jisoo and Jeonghan were on their way to the rooms to gather the rest of the members for dinner when they spotted Jihoon and Seungcheol on the couch.

With Seugcheol fast asleep and his head in the producers lap as he combed his hand through the rapper’s hair. 

The second and third oldest couldn’t help the flare of resentment pointed at the other vocalist. The glare from the two sets of eyes didn’t go unnoticed by Jihoon.

“Jeez hyungs, why do you look so angry?” he said a smirk growing on his face.

“I’m seriously wondering when you two got close all of a sudden.” Jisoo grumbled out, his glare still not easing away.

“Hmm, I don’t know what you mean. But Cheol hyung is really cute when he’s asleep. He keeps snuggling into me.” Jihoon bragged watching as their faces contorted in annoyance.

“What exactly are you saying Jihoon? Do you like Cheolie or something?” Jeonghan growled out and the younger grinned at the obvious loathing of the elder.

“Are you guys jealous? Oh! You are, aren't you? But what for? It’s not like he’s your boyfriend right?” the producer teased but sighed when the pair couldn’t answer. He rolled his eyes, carefully lifted Seungcheol’s head and replaced his lap with a pillow so he could stand.

“You know I don’t like him like that. But you really should just talk to him, it’s really obvious he adores both of you. Get to it soon honestly, because he could easily be approached by others. We’re not the only group he’s close with.” At the younger’s words, Jisoo and Jeonghan looked at eachother, a hint of sadness in their eyes.

“We know. We know he cares about both of us but I also feel like there’s something more with Seungcheol. Like he’s not telling us something. We think he might not be ready for a relationship just yet.” Jeonghan said kneeling in front of the slumbering leader, caressing his cheek softly.

“Maybe, if you talk to him, you’ll know. So just do it.” Jihoon deadpanned. His hyungs were seriously dancing around each other. And Seungcheol needs to know that here’s people out here who he can trust and Jihoon can’t be the only one who’s trying to prove that to the leader. 

After him, Jeonghan and Jisoo should be the next members who can prove to Seungcheol that they would accept him no matter what. The two people that Seungcheol cared about in a special way. The two people he loved. 

He knew his hyung wanted to trust them, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know why but he could tell that something made Seungcheol become afraid. Something gave him reason to not trust them completely. He wanted to change that, for all that he’s done, his leader deserved to be able to be who he is. All of who he is. 

Jihoon owes him that much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly Jihoon is best bro. He's doing his best to help Cheol accept himself and trust them.  
> Though I do wonder what he owes Seungcheol for ;)))))  
> This is a little fluffy chapter more focused on Cheols relationships with Jihoon and a little on his relationship with Jeonghan and Jisoo cuz we need more love up in this place  
> srsly tho Jihan need to get their shet together and collect their baby cheol.  
> Whos gonna find out next? Will Cheol be able to trust Jihan and the other members?  
> Stay TUNEDDDDDDD  
> Thank you for reading! Stay healthy!
> 
> -Kii<3


	8. Cloudy Skies

“Cheolie, wake up.” a soft voice called out to the leader, but he didn’t feel like waking up. He was sure it was a break day for them and he wanted to savor as much sleep as possible. Seungcheol groaned and snuggled into the warm chest in front of him. 

Wait, chest?

Head shooting up he finds himself face to face with Jisoo. On the other side he sees Jeonghan who was the voice that was trying to wake him. His eyes widened in realization. He was sleeping in between the two vocalists and the chest he was tucking himself into was Jisoo’s.

“Holy sh-!” 

Jisoo quickly covered his mouth “Cheol! No swearing. What if the kids hear you?” he jokingly scolded as Jeonghan giggled from the side. 

“Why are you guys here? With me. In the same bed.” he asked eyes darting between the two.

“Actually it’s your fault. You fell asleep in the living room so Jisoo carried you back to your bed but then you wouldn’t let go of him and ended up pulling him down with you. Of course I took blackmail photos and then you pulled me down too. So we’re here.” Jeonghan answered and watched as Seungcheol turned pink in embarrassment.

“Uhm..sorry about that. I guess Seokmin was right when he said I was an octopus when I’m asleep.” 

“It’s okay Cheol, you were so cute so we didn’t mind.” Jisoo said as he squeezed the rapper’s cheeks. “If you’re hungry, we can go eat. You fell asleep before dinner and we didn’t want to wake you up.”

Seungcheol shook his head “Nah, let’s just go back to sleep.” with that he laid back down and within a few minutes, was completely knocked out.

The pair looked at their leader with adoration filling their eyes. “Choi Seungcheol, you have no idea what you do to us.”

_____

_ ‘...eleven, twelve, thirteen!’ _

Seungcheol counted as each member got into their specific cars, it was finally the start of their concert week. Today was mostly just flying. They had woken before the sun had even risen and scrambled to get ready. Making one last head count and ensuring nobody had forgotten anything, Seungcheol got into his assigned van and began their drive to the airport.

They had a connected fight this time, so the plane was headed to Japan where they would stop for a bit before getting on another plane and headed to where their concert was actually being held. Seungcheol found connected flights stressful, since the members would be up and about in between the flights.

As leader, he wanted to help out the managers as much as he could, so he was the one who kept track of the members and their whereabouts every time they traveled. Which was easier said than done. One time he had counted thirteen members only to have one missing less than a minute later. He had to run across half the airport to find Jun who had gotten lost in a crowd. Not the best experience.

Sitting down on his seat next to Jihoon, Seungcheol breathed a sigh of relief.

“Everyone accounted for?” Jihoon asked and the leader replied with a nod. 

“Thankfully no one was lost this time.” he joked and relaxed in his seat waiting for the plane to take off. He should take this time to rest. Once the plane lands he has to be hyper aware of where his members are and they have a concert waiting for them too.

_____

Jihoon stared at Seungcheol’s sleeping form. He fell asleep a few minutes after the plane had taken off. The younger figured the leader must’ve been really tired. He wasn’t kidding when he said that his hyung looked cute when he was sleeping. It was the only time the leader looked so relaxed and unbothered.

Jihoon wished he had noticed that he was never completely relaxed with them before. Eyes always watching, always weary. Always had his guard up. While he knew Seungcheol adored each and everyone of them, he didn’t trust them completely. Jihoon couldn’t blame him though.

He knew the elder had a reason, a reason most likely tied to the family he had never once spoken about. As idols, most of them left their families at a very young age to train. Some of them had to come to a different country where they knew no one. It was obvious they would miss their family.

On rare nights when the members were low-spirited, they would talk about their parents and siblings. Their happy memories. All of them had shared at least a few stories, all except Seungcheol. He stayed quiet on those nights, and Jihoon wasn’t stupid. He connected the dots pretty quickly.

All that he could do now was help his hyung. This was his chance to repay Seungcheol for everything he had done for the producer.

He still remembered those days like it was yesterday.

_____

When Jihoon first became a trainee, he had no idea what he was doing. All he knew was that he loved music, and he wanted to pursue it.

Seungcheol was the first out of the other trainees to approach him and helped the younger with all that he could. He would help practice with him, write lyrics and make songs, learn new languages and would drag him along to eat with him. 

Despite the fact that the younger was cold and closed off to him, he stuck to Jihoon like glue, as if he knew that the other actually appreciated the things he did. It was Seungcheol that made Jihoon’s love for music grow even bigger than it did before, and he craved to debut, more than he did in the past.

Jihoon got carried away about it though, he began practically living at the studio, practicing, producing and writing as much as he could, until his body felt like it was giving out. He stopped eating and sleeping because of it. Seungcheol tried to stop the younger but he would push the older away and keep going. 

He didn’t wanna stop till he was dead. That was, until he almost was.

Finally his body did give out, and he collapsed on the floor of the dance studio at three in the morning. Usually no one was around at that time but Seungcheol was, he had a feeling that night when he woke up randomly and didn’t see Jihoon. He picked up the younger and rushed him to hospital. Turns out the “cold” he had been harbouring was actually pneumonia and it could’ve turned very sour for the producer had Seungcheol not found him and taken him to the hospital when he did. 

Jihoon quickly saw his mistake and promised to never do that again. Had he kept going, he could have died.

Jihoon owed Seungcheol his life. So this? This was nothing compared to what the leader had done for him.

____

He snapped out of his thoughts when a mop of brown hair came into his view. He laughed quietly as he felt the stares from the seat across from them turned into glares. Jihoon knew that Jeonghan and Jisoo had been glancing at them periodically throughout the flight, wishing they were in Jihoon’s seat.

His hyungs were so dumb sometimes. He seriously was wondering when they’d all just get a room. Maybe if Seungcheol could see just how much those twin idiots were head over heels for him it would help the whole trust ordeal he’s been trying to mend.

He grew even more amused when Seungcheol snuggled into the crook of Jihoon’s neck unaware of the glares the younger was receiving because of it.

“Cheol hyung,” he whispered to the sleeping figure “when are you finally going to stop torturing them?” Jihoon chuckled as the leader just mumbled out something inaudible and buried his face deeper into the younger's neck.

____

The switch to the next flight thankfully went smooth for Seungcheol and he didn’t lose track of anyone within the time between. The second flight had been shorter than the first but the moment he had walked into the hotel room, he face-planted straight into the bed.

“Hoonie, I think I’m just gonna die here.” he groaned into the sheets, earning a sarcastic laugh from the other.

“Ha ha. Oh you are definitely going to die, especially with what you made me sit through for two flights and what you will make me suffer through for the rest of the week!”

“What are you talking about Jihoon-ah? I was asleep throughout both flights.” he whined

“Exactly! Asleep on me! I had to sit through multiple hours of Jeonghan and Jisoo hyung glaring at me! And I will continue to be glared at because I’m rooming with you!” the vocalist retorted, causing the rapper to lift his head from the bed to stare at his friend in confusion.

“Are you that dense hyung? Jisoo and Jeonghan hyung would’ve killed me to be in my spot if I wasn’t a member.”

Seungcheol rolled his eyes at Jihoon “Just because we have a thing does not mean I have to room or sit with them. Plus, I’m rooming with you because you know now, so I can finally sleep without this stupid processor. As much as I love being able to hear, it ain’t the best thing to sleep with.”

“Do you ever plan on telling them hyung?” the younger asked quietly, the light mood suddenly becoming heavier when the difficult topic came up.

“I want to, I really want to. But I’m just not sure yet. What if..what if-”

“What if they hate you?” Jihoon finished and Seungcheol nodded at that. “They won’t.” he continued, but froze and immediately shut his mouth when the leader made eye contact with him.

Cold, calculating eyes. Eyes Jihoon could recognize. Eyes of someone who has suffered. He couldn’t help but shiver as they bore into him.

“You don’t know that for sure.” he said.

Jihoon had to admit. Seungcheol was right. No one is ever sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes yes I know, another short, fluffy with a hint of angst chapter.  
> But chilll, the drama will soon be on its way as we approach the end of the story  
> we still got a few things that need answering and maybe some people that need to make an appearance ;)  
> anyone got any theories?   
> Cheol is lowkey scary at the end tho, guess our cute leader as something else he hiding? Nahhh jk(or am I?)  
> Now u know why Jihoon is so adamant in helping Cheol, our boi saved his life  
> pls remember i made all of this up, idk if anything like that ever happend so yea  
> Thank you all for the support! Honestly it means so much to me.  
> Hope you all stay safe!
> 
> -Kii <3


	9. The Weather Is Not In My Control

_ ‘You’re on in 3...2….1!’ _

The lift shoots him up on stage, thousands of cheers greet him as he lands. His eyes observed the people in front of him, the lights and posters in their hands, a sea of color. His earpiece counts down telling him the song was about to start, he took the chance to lift his mic to his lips.

“Carat! Are you ready?!”

Their screams were the reply and that was his cue. The music boomed through the stage, so loud he could feel it through his whole body. The thrill, the excitement pumped through his veins.

It’s showtime.

_____

The screams began to muffle as the lift brought him down. Quickly rushing off the machine he ran into the dressing room for the next outfit. 

The concert was finally at full blast, all thirteen members along with multiple staff members rushing back and forth between the stage and the dressing room, doing their best to keep the event up and running.

After he had finished changing he ran back to the stage lifts where the rest of the members stood, waiting for the VCR to end. Seungcheol took his place beside Jeonghan, where the two exchanged glances.

“You ready Cheol?” the vocalist said as the VCR began to reach the end.

“Been waiting too long to not be.” he replied as they both were lifted on to the stage.

Standing on the stage with his members like this, was what reminded Seungcheol that he was an idol. The roaring crowd is what reminded him that he made it. He achieved his dream. 

Until he stood on the stage, everything felt surreal. Like it was just a fragment of his imagination. Being where he is now, showed him it wasn’t. It was real.

Seungcheol loved every moment of it. 

Concerts themselves were especially loud but the earpiece took care of that. He wore them in both ears, it allowed him to hear without his original processor and drowned out the excess noise as well as do everything a normal ear piece would do.

In-ear monitors were expected and normal for idols, which meant no one would ever question a thing and no one would ever know it had a double use.

_____

The thing about concerts is that they were also exhausting as much as they were rewarding. Seungcheol could feel as his legs ached from performing on the stage, running to the dress room to change, then running back on the stage to perform again. 

As he made his way back, the staff followed along trying to pat away the dripping sweat from the leader’s head. He looked like he had taken a shower and god was he practically dead on his feet, more than usual. He had been feeling off since the morning started, a little bit hazy you could say.

However he threw that aside because he wasn’t the only one. His members were all soaked with sweat and panting for air. He was the leader and he had a job to do no matter how tired he was.

They all had time as another VCR was playing so Seungcheol grabbed the water bottles and placed them into each member’s hands while also wiping their faces with a towel. When Jun refused to drink water he grabbed the water bottle and put it to his lips, making the younger drink it.

Wiping the sweat from the dancer’s face he grabbed Jun by the shoulders, placing their foreheads together.

“I know you’re tired Junnie, drink water as much as you can, that way you can perform even better for Carat okay? You got this. Fighting!” Jun smiled at the leader’s encouragement and continued to drink water.

Seungcheol moved down the line and made sure everyone was hydrated and okay. He made his way to Wonwoo who had his hands on his knees, still a little breathless. Rubbing the younger’s back he took the fan and pointed it towards the other rapper.

“Wonwoo, take deep breaths okay? The next performance we don’t dance, we just walk around so take it easy. Sit down, interact with the fans. Don’t push yourself too hard. You’re doing well, keep going.” the younger smiled at Seungcheol thanking him and took the fan out of his hands.

“Seungkwan-ah” he called out to the younger who was sitting on a stool holding an ice pack to his lower back “How are you?” he asked. The vocalist had slipped during the performance landing heavily on his back but had gotten up and continued dancing. Seungcheol knew however that it definitely affected him.

“I’m fine hyung. Just a little sore” Seungkwan assured but with the way he couldn’t meet Seungcheol’s gaze, proved he was not. The leader kneeled in front of him where he saw the guilt in the vocalist's eyes. 

“Kwanie. It happens to the best of us. Just because you slipped does not mean you ruined the performance or that you’re a bad performer. The fans were worried about you. They care more about you than nailing a dance move or a high note. You still have other performances. Both us and the fans know you will kill the next ones. Keep your head up kid.”Finally the mood maker’s smile appeared on his face and Seungcheol helped the other stand.

“Alright. Everyone come here!” Seungcheol called out, getting the attention of the rest of the members. All thirteen of them gathered and grabbed onto each other's thumbs in their signature circle. Seungcheol took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts before speaking.

“We’ve been doing well. Everyone keep the momentum going and perform to the best of your abilities. Carat’s have been waiting for us. Let’s make this night memorable for all of them. Break the stage Seventeen! 1,2,3!”

“Fighting!” the group shouted before returning to their spots.

As Seungcheol was making his way to his place, he felt someone grab his arm and pull him. He came face to face with Jisoo who placed his forehead against Seungcheol’s. The leader couldn't help but sigh and relax at the cool head of the vocalist. He had no idea how Jisoo managed to stay cold with all the moving around they did.

“You okay? You seem a little off.” Jisoo asked. He had been worried about the leader since he had noticed the other look a little dazed. His worry increased as Seungcheol didn’t give him an answer. Eyes still closed. 

“Cheolie.” he called out a little louder and the nickname was like a magical word that snapped Seungcheol out of his head.

“ Hm? Oh. Sorry I got distracted. Yeah I’m fine just tired. Concerts are so energy consuming.” and Jisoo couldn’t help but agree. The staff quickly told them to get to their places so despite the vocalist not being completely convinced that the rapper was okay, he had to let go of the other to let him get to his position.

_____

The machine lifted them to the stage where they greeted the fans with big smiles and waves. The music played and they all began to move around, singing their parts, dancing here and there and interacting with the fans. They also joked around with each other, jumping on another member to surprise them, chasing each other and Seungcheol’s favourite; pouring water.

He creeped up on Mingyu and doused the other with his water bottle, laughing as the taller turned to him with a playful glare, Seungcheol quickly escaped the clutches of Mingyu and went to pull the prank of a few other members. He managed to get Hansol, Minghao and Soonyoung soaked with water. Seungcheol felt very accomplished. 

The last song before the unit performances would start, began to play and Seungcheol took this chance to interact more with the fans. He went close to the edge of the stage, smiling, waving and taking pictures with Carat. Unbeknownst to him that Hansol and Chan were sneaking up behind him with a bucket of water.

Before he could realize it, the two youngests poured the water all over Seungcheol making him look like he just jumped in a pool. He turned to jokingly glare at the pair before chasing them off with a fake attack. Seungcheol didn’t mind having water dumped on him. The water cooled him off and while the wet clothes were slightly bothersome, it wasn’t that bad. His earpiece was also waterproof so it was fine.

It was nearing the end of the song when Seungcheol decided to get some revenge, he had already pranked Hansol so he looked for Chan. With a little panning, he spotted the maknae interacting with some fans at the edge of the stage. The leader was about to approach the youngest when he realized where the other was standing. 

Chan was right above where the fireworks were going to come out. 

Seungcheol remembered that during the end of the last song in this segment, they would go off. 

And it was seconds before the song was going to end.

Acting quickly, he ran to the maknae and pulled him out of the way just as the fireworks shot out. In his desperation, pulling Chan back, pushed him into the canons. 

It happened so quickly. The fireworks went off and Seungcheol could feel the stray sparks land right on him.

Land right on his soaking earpiece.

It delivered multiple painful shocks and Seungcheol yelped in pain, scrambling to pull the earpiece off. The other members had ran to Seungcheol trying to see if he was okay but the leader was too focused on the device, He put it back on after the shocks stopped only to realize something.

His members were all around him and he was in a stadium with thousands of people.

But Seungcheol didn’t know what they were saying.

The fireworks had shorted out his earpiece.

_ ‘You have got to be shitting me.’ _

As much as Seungcheol wanted to panic, he kept his head on straight. It was the end of the first group segment, which meant the unit performances were next. He quickly stood up and ran off the stage into the back. His manager was waiting for him, as he saw what had happened but as Seungcheol was about to pull him into a seperate dressing room, He was grabbed by the arm by Jisoo.

“Cheol, are you okay?” he called out to the leader but Seungcheol didn’t know what he was saying, the fuzziness in his head made it too difficult for him to lip read so the elder just looked back silently.

Luckily his manager hurriedly intervened, assuring Jisoo that he’d take care of Seungcheol and led him away despite the vocalist’s protests. Leaving Jisoo who watched worriedly as Seungcheol was brought somewhere else.

_ ‘The earpiece shorted out. Do we have a spare?’  _ he signed quickly to his manager when they had gotten into the room only to be met with a guilty stare. 

_ ‘We don’t have a spare of yours. Only regular earpieces.’  _ the manager told him and Seungcheol felt the air begin to get heavier. The familiar suffocating feeling from before that the leader hated. Only now there was the added cloudiness in his head, that he could feel was on its way to something worse.

All Seungcheol could do was shakily sign to his manager to get Jihoon. The closing of the door indicated that the manager had understood and gone to get the producer. Seungcheol backed into the wall and curled up into a ball, trying his best to even out his breathing.

They were in the middle of a concert. They didn’t have time for this. That’s what Seungcheol kept telling himself, he needed to get a grip but he couldn’t. He knew he couldn't keep performing if he can’t hear, which meant he was going to have to go through the rest of it with just his regular processor.

It was going to be loud, really freaking loud but he could take it. He can’t jeopardize the concert just because he can’t take a little noise. He had a plan so why won’t he just calm down? Seungcheol was screaming at himself to get up and get out there.

He can’t be useless.

But he was, wasn’t he? Here he was, the proclaimed ‘Diamond Leader’, crumpled into a ball, unable to breath while his fans were out there waiting. So useless.

_____

“Jihoon-ah!” the manager called out, rushing to the vocal team leader in urgency. He leaned into his ear and relayed the current situation to Jihoon. The younger quickly understood and was about to follow the manager to where Seungcheol was, before he was snatched by two pairs of hands.

“Hyungs!” he growled, turning towards Jeonghan and Jisoo. “Let me go! I don’t have time for this.” but the grips didn’t loosen. Jeonghan stared him dead in the eyes, mirroring the younger’s glare.

“It’s about Seungcheol right? Where is he? What’s happening? Is he okay?’ the elder asked and Jihoon grew more irritated with each question that came out of his mouth.

“Just let me go!” he snarled at the two but they kept going.

“No. We want to help Cheol, Jihoon. Don’t think we’re dumb. What are you hiding?” Jisoo asked and for a moment Jihoon was surprised. He had never seen his hyung so angry.

“It’s not my place to tell you! Now please. I need to get to Seungcheol, it’s important.” he pleaded and the mention of Seungcheol needing help somehow got through their rage.

“Fine. Don’t think that we’re going to let this go though.” Jeonghan grunted and let go of the younger who replied with a quick thank you before dashing off along with the manager.

_____

He didn’t know how much time had passed but the feeling in his chest kept getting heavier and heavier. As he had predicted, the fuzziness in his head had gotten worse. He didn’t dare open his eyes, knowing he’d be greeted by the brutal vertigo. 

Then Seungcheol felt hands make their way around his wrists. He knew from the calluses on the fingertips, created by years of playing various instruments that it was Jihoon. The younger’s hands guided Seungcheol’s to his chest, trying to get the leader to follow the breathing. Like he did last time, but it wasn’t working.

Seungcheol’s breathing kept speeding up and he wasn’t getting enough air into his brain. He felt like he was suffocating. That the room was slowly caving in on him. He made the mistake of opening his eyes and was met with the swirling images in front of him. 

Jihoon quickly realized what the flailing arms of his leader was trying to tell him. Grabbing the trash bin he shoved it into Seungcheol’s hands and watched as the leader vomited everything out. Rubbing his back through the whole thing.

Both him and their manager knew that their way of calming Seungcheol down wasn’t working. They had to think of something else. Jihoon had an idea but he knew there were a lot of risks following it. But he looked at his leader as he continued to gasp for air and knew if they couldn’t calm him down soon, Seungcheol would pass out and to have him become unconscious in the middle of a concert wasn’t good. 

_ ‘I’m sorry Cheol.’  _ he inwardly apologized to the leader  _ ‘This is the only thing left that I can think of.’ _

“Hyung. I need you to stay here with Cheol, get his processor and put it on before I get back.” he ordered his manager who nodded and ran to the other dressing room to get the processor.

Jihoon rushed out the room and back to the stage. Jeonghan and Jisoo were right where he had left them. Running up to the pair, he pulled them aside.

“Both of you listen. If you want to help Cheol hyung, you’re going to listen to everything I say, okay?” both perked up at the leader’s name and nodded immediately. “You’re not going to ask questions about what’s happening or how it happened. You’re going to go in, and make sure hyung doesn’t pass out and then get the hell out do you understand?”

While Jeonghan would usually scold the producer on his tone, he sensed the urgency of the situation and stayed quiet. Jihoon led him and Jisoo to a separate dressing room where they saw Seungcheol wheezing for oxygen as their manager tried to calm him down.Without even a second thought the two ran over to the leader kneeling to be level with him.

“Cheol. Cheolie, honey can you hear me?” Jisoo’s soft voice called out and while they received no verbal response the small whimper from the elder let them know that he had heard them.

Both Jeonghan and Jisoo had a fair idea of what was happening to Seungcheol, so they proceeded cautiously. Jeonghan slowly placed his hands on Seungcheol’s sides and when the other didn’t show any protest to the touch, he picked up the rapper and placed him into his lap. Guiding his head into his chest. Jisoo went behind the leader and began to rub his back gently.

“Do you feel that Cheol?” Jisoo asked quietly “That’s me, and in front of you is Jeonghan. I need you to try to copy what you feel from Jeonghan okay? Try to follow it. We’re right here sweetheart, we’re not going anywhere.”

Jihoon watched in awe because like magic, Seungcheol began to mirror Jeonghan’s breathing. It didn’t work when Jihoon had done it but now that it was Jeonghan, it was different. He knew once the leader’s head clears, he’s gonna be murdered but now Seungcheol can’t deny the effect the two vocalists have on him.

“That’s it” Jeonghan encouraged as he threaded his hands through the leader’s hair. “Keep going, you’re almost there.” 

After a few minutes had passed, they finally got the air back into Seungcheol’s lungs. Jisoo smiled and kissed his head in relief. “Hey baby boy. You back with us?” A quiet  _ ‘Shua’ _ was heard from the leader and Jisoo took it as the cue to pick Seungcheol up from Jeonghan’s lap and put him on his.

“How are you feeling?” he asked and the leader mumbled out that he was okay and asked about the performance. “BooSeokSoon is just about to finish. Performance team is next, you have time.” the vocalist replied and Seungcheol nodded softly in understanding.

A staff member suddenly called out to Jeonghan and Jisoo informing them they needed to get changed but the two didn’t want to budge. 

“s’okay. Go, Jihoon can stay with me.” Seungcheol told them quietly and slowly got up from Jisoo’s lap, standing on shaky legs. The two hesitantly got up and followed the staff member.

Jihoon went to Seungcheol and promptly apologized “Hyung. I promise I didn’t tell them anything. You were getting worse and they were the only solution I could think of. I swear they don’t know.” 

“Hoonie, it’s okay. I know you were just looking out for me and I know you wouldn’t tell them without my permission. They didn’t look like they had any idea either, to them it probably just looked like a panic attack. Let’s focus on the concert now okay?”

Still the remorseful eyes of Jihoon never left “What are you gonna do? Your earpiece is broken.”

Seungcheol sighed heavily “I’m gonna have to finish it with the regular processor.” and Jihoon looked at him in alarm.

“But hyung! The noise-” 

“I’ll live, Jihoon. I can stand it. I’m not going to stop performing and don’t even try to stop me.” Seungcheol interrupted and once again Jihoon was met with the same hardened eyes he had seen when they first landed. 

Jihoon didn’t argue, he was, you could say, too scared to. This wasn’t his cute, soft hyung. This was his leader. His leader who had just gotten past a bad panic attack and is now going back out to perform for thousands of people because that’s who he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouuuu are we getting closer to Jihan finding out?   
> This chapter is more focused on Cheol as a leader cuz he's an awesome leader  
> Also I threw in some angst cuz i love angst and some jihancheol cuz we all ship it  
> this is like the longest chapter so sorry bout that, there wasnt really a good place to cut it off  
> honestly this is all just to set up whats gonna happen in the next chapter so stay tuned!  
> Did Jihoon make the right choice involving Jihan or nah? Guess you'll have to find out.  
> Is cheol gonna make it through the rest of the concert? Who knows?
> 
> Stay safe!
> 
> Lots of luv,  
> -Kii<33333


	10. Could This Be The Sun? *Part 1*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh you thought the angst was over?
> 
> You know I love making our lovely leader suffer :)))))

Seungcheol was pissed.

Very very pissed.

Not at Jihoon or any of the members, he could never be mad at them. He was pissed at himself.

Why?

Well first, Chan almost got hit by fireworks and he only managed to pull him away just in time. He was the oldest, he’s supposed to keep an eye on the youngest. The maknae could’ve gotten hurt if Seungcheol hadn’t gotten there in time.

Second, he threw himself into a panic in the middle of a concert, to the point that Jihoon nor his manager could calm him down and the producer had to get Jeonghan and Jisoo involved. Don’t get him wrong, Jihoon made the best choice he could come up with in such a short time. If Seungcheol couldn't calm down, he wouldn’t be able to perform. So he was thankful to the younger for that.

Reason number three was that Jeonghan and Jisoo had to get involved. The two of them had to see Seungcheol in such a state and he hated it. He was the leader but he couldn’t regain his composure so he had to let those two see that part of him. He felt so weak. Back when none of the members knew, he was able to manage the attacks by himself just fine. Seungcheol wouldn’t admit it but he was scared that he was beginning to get reliant. That was a big no no for him. To rely means you’re setting yourself up for being left behind.

Seungcheol knew that situation all too well.

Finally reason number four, he had to finish the rest of the concert with nothing to muffle the noise of thousands of shrieking people. Yay him. He said he could take it, and he knew that he could. He just never said that he could take it well.

_____

Seungcheol ran down the steps on the side of the stage, rushing to the back where the trash bin was. There he emptied his stomach for the third time. Honestly he was surprised that he still had anything to throw up. His manager was staring at him as he resurfaced, brows furrowed with concern.

“Seungcheol, you’ve thrown up every time you got off the stage, this is not good, you can’t keep going like this.” his manager said, wiping his mouth with a towel.

“No. I can keep going. It’s only a few more songs left.” the leader insisted. He wasn’t going to stop performing. No way in hell.

“Seungcheol, you can miss a few songs. This isn’t healthy. It’s clear you can’t take all the noise, you’re making yourself sick.” 

The rapper stayed silent at that. It was true, it took everything in him just to stay standing. The noise returned the vertigo from earlier and at this point all he could really see was the world but as if someone had warped it into a bunch of swirls. He had no idea how he was still performing.

“Hyung, it’s just a few songs. I’m going to finish this concert. Whether you want me to or not.” With that, Seungcheol forced himself to stand and returned to where the other members were waiting for him. Once again climbing on the stage.

_____

Seungcheol had reached his limit.

“Thank you so much Carat!” Soonyoung yelled into the mic.

“Until next time!” they all called out and waved as the stage closed.

The leader didn’t have the energy anymore to run to the back where the other members wouldn’t see him. Thankfully the manager was already ready with the bin the moment Seungcheol got off the stage.

He wasted no time, yanking the bin out of the manager’s hand, he hurled whatever was left in his stomach into it. This time all his members saw it happen right before their eyes.

“Hyung!” Jihoon cried out bolting to the leader who was still pouring out his guts.

“ Dammit Seungcheol, you stubborn brat!” his manager said, the anger and worry in his eyes visible to everyone “Someone get the medic!” at his command, a staff member quickly left to fetch the doctor. 

“Hyung! Did this happen before?” Mingyu asked the manager who was kneeling next to the leader, trying to help him through his sickness.

The manager sighed, his hand rubbing his face in stress “He’s been throwing up every time he’s gotten off the stage. I told him to stop but he refused every single time and still went to perform.” 

Everyone’s eyes enlarged at the statement.

“You should’ve grabbed him! Why did you just let him go!?” Jeonghan growled out, looking like he was about to punch the manager for letting Seungcheol get to this point.

“Don’t..yell at him….Hannie.” a strained voice said. All thirteen pairs of eyes turned to look at the leader who finally stopped vomiting. “He did his best….I..wanted to keep going… he couldn’t stop me even if he tackled me…” 

Seungcheol wanted to stand but the world around him began to spin. Black dots covered his eyesight and he could feel as he quickly began to lose control of his body. The last thing he saw was everything fall sideways and people calling out his name before it all went dark.

_____

Seungcheol’s first thought was that it was warm. And soft. And just, safe. Which was weird. With a bit of work he finally managed to open his heavy eyelids. His vision was blurry for a second and Seungcheol feared the vertigo had not gone away, but soon his sight cleared and he noticed he was in their van.

It was already dark out, was the concert over? Had he made it through? His memory was too fuzzy. He wanted to grab his phone and check the time, when suddenly arms wrapped around his waist to keep him from squirming. It dawned on him. He wasn’t sitting on his chair.

“Are you awake Cheol?” a low, calming voice asked and the leader knew who it was immediately.

“Hannie.” Seungcheol mumbled as he buried his face in the crook of the younger’s neck, trying to hide his reddening cheeks. Why was he sitting in Jeonghan’s lap? It was also oddly quiet, lifting his head from where he was hiding he took a peak at the rest of the passengers, all of them in various states of slumber.

“What happened?” the leader asked, looking at the eyes of Jeonghan whose face was contorted in worry. He didn’t like that look on him. With shaky hands he cupped the vocalist’s face and smoothed out the creases.

“You don’t remember?” Jeonghan asked and memories flashed through Seungcheol’s head but none were of him getting into the car and ending up in the other’s lap. He shook his head and waited for the answer.

“You passed out Cheol. Right after we got off the stage, you threw up and just collapsed. In front of everyone.” the leader froze at that. He passed out in front of everyone? Turning back to look at the sleeping members, guilt flowed through him. Guilt and also, anger. Once again he was pathetic and this time, everyone saw.

“You worried them, you know,” Jeonghan continued, “when you fainted and the manager got the doctor, none of them wanted to leave your side, they’ve never seen you like that before. No one has. They were even more worried after the doctor told us that you had a fever and that the added physical exertion and stress made it worse. Everyone fought to be in the same car as you.”

Seungcheol couldn’t help but let the guilt grow as he watched the members sleep. Jisoo was right beside him and Jeonghan, Jihoon was in the next row with Mingyu, and Hansol was in the passenger seat. They should’ve never seen him like that. The rage geared at himself began to increase. Years of hiding and he’s beaten by a fever?

He really was pathetic. Once again he was reduced to helplessness. His members saw him helpless. Jeonghan and Jisoo, the two people’s opinions he cared about the most, saw him like that. And he wondered whether their opinions of him changed because of it.

“Cheolie you’re awake?” another voice whispered, pulling Seungcheol out of his spiraling thoughts.

“Hey Shua.” Seungcheol greeted, reaching out to lightly caress Jisoo’s face. He turned back to Jeonghan and asked him one last question.

“But, I finished the concert right?” and suddenly, Jeonghan was fuming.

“Are you kidding me right now? You pushed yourself so hard, while you were sick to the point you passed out and you asked me if you finished the concert?!” Seungcheol flinched at the sudden rise of volume. Jisoo looked shocked and a few members who were asleep were definitely awake now.

The leader had seen Jeonghan mad before but never at him. So what was the first instinct Seungcheol had?

Run.

Luckily they arrived at the hotel, the same time as Jeonghan’s outburst. Opening the door Seungcheol slid off the vocalist’s lap and speed walked to his room, ignoring the shouts of his name. He began to almost run as he heard two sets of footsteps following him.

He took the stairs and raced to his hotel room, seeing as Jeonghan and Jisoo weren’t behind him on the staircase, they had taken the elevator. So Seungcheol needed to beat that elevator. He sighed in relief as he spotted the empty hallway of his floor, slowing his pace he made his way to his room. His body was still weak from collapsing earlier so the sudden movement tired him out quickly. 

But just as he reached home stretch, out of nowhere, arms pinned him to the wall. 

_ ‘Dammit. I was so close.’ _

Seungcheol peered up to come face to face with a still very displeased Jeonghan and now Jisoo looked somewhat irritated too. The leader wanted to punch himself but he also wanted to cry, he managed to get both of them mad at him.

“Stop dodging the subject.” Jeonghan snarled and Seungcheol really loathed the way the other was looking at him. He didn’t like this. Not at all.

“I’m not. I just asked if I finished the concert or if I passed out before I could finish it.” the leader replied, trying to mask the bubbling fear with anger.

“What is up with you?” this time it was Jisoo talking. 

“You hid the fact you were sick and you ended up suffering because of it. You also hid the fact you’ve had panic attacks. Don’t think we’re stupid. The manager called out to Jihoon the moment it happened, he knew to go to him. Which means it wasn’t the first time. We could’ve helped you! We did today. Had we known earlier we could’ve helped you from the start!”

Seungcheol stayed quiet.

“We’ve had a feeling, for a while now. We know you’re keeping things from not only us but the members too. What else is there? Was today it, or is there more you’re hiding from us?” Jeonghan asked, the rage seemingly depleted and now was replaced with betrayal. 

Yeah. There was. He was hiding a lot of things. But he’s been drowning in remorse because of it. It wasn’t like he was happy keeping things from them. No. It hurt. It really fucking hurt. He had to hide it. He needed to hide it because if he didn’t, if he didn’t...

“Answer us Seungcheol!” 

Seungcheol. 

They called him Seungcheol. They never called him Seungcheol, it’s always Cheol or Cheolie. The leader knew where this was going, he had predicted it would happen years ago. Lying had its consequences and he knew one day he’d get caught. Heck, he was already caught by Jihoon but he got lucky with him, this was different, this was Jeonghan and Jisoo, he wasn’t ready for them. Not now. He couldn’t bear it if they hate him now.

“Seungcheol!” Jeonghan yelled and Seungcheol’s hand flew to his ears to shield himself from the sound.

_ ‘Not like this, not now, please not now. pleasepleasepleaseplease’ _

He didn’t know what to do, all he knew was that fear and anxiety trapped his whole being. Why did those two make it different? Why is it when it’s them, it’s always different? He felt so bad, so guilty.

“I’m sorry!” he cried out, a sob began to build in his throat but he tried to force it down

“I didn’t mean to lie! I didn’t want to lie! I had to! I didn’t know what else to do!” 

Jeonghan and Jisoo instantly became alarmed as the tears began to stream down the leader’s face.

“Cheol-”

“I’m sorry! Don’t hate me! Please don’t hate me! Please! I-I can’t… I can’t take it if you hate me!” painful sobs tore through his whole body, a flood of tears escaping his eyes as he wept on the floor.

They hated him. That was all in Seungcheol’s mind. They hated him.

But Seungcheol, didn’t want them to.

“I’m sorry…” he sobbed out repeatedly. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m-” then something soft cut him off in the middle of his pleading.

A pair of soft lips. 

Jeonghan’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouuuu an adrupt ending! Tho im pretty sure you all know what gonna come next. or do you?  
> yes this chapter is a 2 parter cuz the original one way too long for my liking so I had to cut it.   
> but chill, part 2 will be out...either late tonight or tomorrow idk  
> poor cheol is so stubborn and Jihan are just worry warts  
> also pls note i got no clue how concerts work cuz im not an idol nor have i been to one (broke squad) so I just assumed. 
> 
> Lots of love
> 
> -Kii<3


	11. Could This Be The Sun? *Part 2*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here ya go! Part 2
> 
> Small spoiler at the end notes? Kinda? I think you'd need to have payed really close attention to the hints ive been dropping past few chapters to understand what I mean by it? So yes spolier but also not really spolier? Just skip it if u want.

Seungcheol stopped. His sobbing stopped, the tears stopped. Because holy shit Yoon Jeonghan was kissing him. 

Seungcheol, couldn’t help but kiss back.

They stayed like that for a bit, lips moving against each other before Jeonghan pulled away, Seungcheol was about to whine at the loss but Jeonghan’s lips were immediately replaced with Jisoo’s. That was when Seungcheol’s brain just crashed. He held on to that kiss like a lifeline.

Jisoo lifted Seungcheol wrapping the leader’s legs around his waist without breaking the kiss. He felt himself be carried somewhere but Seungcheol was too blissed out to care. 

He heard a door closing behind them before Jisoo sat down on a plush mattress, holding Seungcheol in his lap. Jisoo pulled away from the leader, wiping the stray tears that fell down his face. Jeonghan was right beside him, placing small pecks down his neck.

“Hey sweetheart, I need you to breathe for me okay? I need you to keep breathing and listen to me.” Seungcheol, still blissed out, nodded and copied the rise and fall of Jisoo’s chest.

“We don’t hate you baby. We never will. I promise you we do not hate you at all. We’re the ones who should be sorry, we shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. You didn’t deserve that.”

More tears dripped down Seungcheol’s face as the overwhelming relief washed over him. They didn’t hate him. Thank god they didn’t hate him.

“We’ve been so worried about you. We know that you were keeping things from us and we were waiting for you to tell us. We want to help you. To see you like that today, it hurt. To see you gasping for air, it terrified us. And to realize that you were dealing with that before and we didn’t know. It made us so upset. 

You had to go through that and we weren’t there for you. Then we found out you had a fever and that it got worse because you were so busy taking care of us, to take care of yourself. I knew something was off since this morning, but I brushed it off because you acted like you were okay. I shouldn’t have.

When Jeonghan carried your limp body to the car. I was so scared that you wouldn’t wake up. I was so worried Cheol.” 

Jisoo’s eyes began to water and Jeonghan decided to take it from there.

“I couldn’t control my anger, I’m sorry for yelling at you. Jisoo is right, we don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I just… I was so mad that you were keeping things from us, things that you were struggling with. I don’t want you to think that you have to hide parts of yourself because we’d hate you. It’s the complete opposite Cheol.”

Jeonghan stopped for a moment, looking in Jisoo’s eyes, a silent agreement was made.

“We love you Cheol. I love you. And I want to be there for you, I want to help shoulder whatever it is you’re carrying. I want you to trust me, trust us. Let us help you. Please.”

Seungcheol….. felt stupid. 

How could he ever think that they would hate him? How did he not realize just how much these two cared about him? He was so caught up in protecting himself, so caught up in the coldness he built around himself that he didn’t see the ones who were trying to get in. 

Now here they were, begging Seungcheol to let them help him.

It clicked.

Jeonghan and Jisoo weren’t his parents. They weren’t the same people. They were different. 

They weren’t going to leave him.

This time the drops that fell down Seungcheol’s face weren’t those of sadness. They were of joy.

“I love you guys too.” 

Two pairs of eyes snapped up to him, their faces brightening into big smiles, the smiles that Seungcheol had fallen in love with.

“And...I-I need to show you both something, but I need..I need Jihoon to be here, please....” he was worried that they wouldn’t let the producer be here but a small peck from Jeonghan assured him it was okay. Seungcheol fished out his phone and called Jihoon over, he needed his best friend for support if he was gonna do this.

The producer walked in hesitantly, surveying the scene in front of him. “Hyung?” 

“Sit down Jihoon-ah.” The leader told him and the younger complied, taking a chair and sitting down.

Seungcheol took deep breaths, trying to prepare himself. Both Jisoo and Jeonghan, while not knowing what was happening, kept petting his sides, showing that they supported him.

He lifted his shaky hands up to his ear and saw as Jihoon’s face lit up in realization. He grabbed the processor and pulled it out, sighing as the world became quiet.

He held out his hand, showing the two the secret he had kept from them for years.

He saw Jisoo’s mouth move and he was too tired to lip read so he turned to Jihoon and asked him to sign.

_ ‘He said, Seungcheol is this a hearing aid?’ _

“No.” Seungcheol replied, hoping that he didn’t slur his words.

“It’s a processor, for my cochlear implant. I think you’ve figured out by now, but… uh.. I’m deaf. I’ve been so since I was born and I’ve been hiding it. Jihoon accidentally found out and confronted me about it, so that’s why he knows.” Seungcheol stopped and took more stuttering breaths, he could feel his heart pounding in nervousness but no one pushed him to continue, they waited for him to be ready.

“And…” he couldn’t help but let the tears fall “I’ve been hiding it...because I was so scared. I was so scared to tell you. I didn’t want you to hate me….I couldn’t take it if you hated me…” his words began to slur as the onslaught of tears poured through him.

“I-I….I didn’t want you to think any different of me..I didn’t know how you would react and I was so scared that you’d be just like my parents…” Seungcheol choked on a sob at the memory of his parents. The other three bodies in the room, stilled. This was the first mention of his family.

“There's more….but..but I can’t- I’m not...I-” once again Jisoo’s lips silenced him. 

The vocalist took the processor out of Seungcheol’s hands and placed them back into his ear so that the other could hear him. “Hey, hey..It’s okay. You don’t need to say more than you’re ready for. I’m glad you told us. Thank you sweetheart. For trusting us with this.”

After he said what he wanted, he took the processor off of Seungcheol and put it on the bedside table. Jeonghan took the crying leader off of Jisoo and placed him into his lap, letting Seungcheol sob into his chest as he held him through it.

“Should I go?” Jihoon asked, already getting up to stand.

“Yeah..give us a while.” the producer nodded and told them to call him if they needed anything before going out.

Jeonghan layed down with Seungcheol in his arms, Jisoo following with him. The cries of the leader had quieted and he pulled his head out of Jeonghan’s chest.

“Thank you.” he whispered. Seungcheol wished there was another way he could express just how much this meant to him. That they listened, that they understood, that they didn’t leave him.

The leader reached out for his processor and Jisoo quickly gave it to him. Seungcheol put it back in his ear and asked the two to just keep talking to him. He just needed to hear their voices. It assured him that they were still there.

So Seungcheol fell asleep, to the calming sound of Jeonghan and Jisoo’s hushed words.

_____

Jeonghan and Jisoo watched over the sleeping leader quietly. Still trying to process the information that was just given to them. Actually they were trying to process everything that had happened. The look of Seungcheol when he completely broke in front of them was, devastating. He was pleading for them not to hate him. It was heartbreaking that the leader even dared to think that they would in the first place. Both of them made a promise that they never wanted to see Seungcheol like that ever again.

He also told them that he loved them, which was still one of the happiest moments of their lives despite the situation it happened in. The three of them always had a thing but now they both know that the feelings of each party were genuine.

Seungcheol also told them a secret he had kept for years. That he was deaf. Both of the vocalists couldn’t imagine how difficult it was to keep up that charade for as long as he did, while living with twelve, very loud and very nosy people. Being an idol, being a leader. It wouldn’t have been easy.

The remorse they felt in not being able to be there for the rapper was overwhelming. But they couldn’t change the past, all that mattered was that they knew now and there was no way in hell they were going to let Seungcheol go through everything alone.

While they didn’t want to admit it, they were thankful to Jihoon for being there when they couldn’t. There were still a lot of things they needed to do. First, is healing Seungcheol’s mindset. He was under the impression that if he had told them about his condition that they would hate him. It was somehow programmed into his head that being deaf was something to be ashamed about.

It wasn’t. If anything it proved just how strong Seungcheol was. He became an idol, part of an industry that heavily relied on hearing. He was able to lead twelve different boys, and bring them to success. He did that, without being born able to hear.

They still needed to talk about how they could help Seungcheol, what he was comfortable with, what they could do during his panic attacks. Maybe dive more into his family because they knew something more laid in there. They needed to talk about them, about their relationship.

But all would come in due time. Now that they’ve been brought into the light. They’d fix this.

_____

Seungcheol felt the rays of sun hit his face, pulling him into consciousness. Opening his eyes he realized he was still in the hotel room. He began to sit up when a hand reached out and helped him.

“Good morning sweetheart. Don’t push yourself too hard, you’re still sick.” Jeonghan said brushing the hair out of the leader’s face. Seungcheol blushed when they made eye contact, memories of yesterday running through his mind.

“Hi..” he replied back shyly, honestly Seungcheol still thought that what had happened yesterday was all a dream but when Jeonghan leaned in and kissed him, proved that all of it was very much real.

The leader’s arms wrapped around Jeonghan’s neck pulling him deeper into the kiss. This was so surreal for him, he knew he’d never get used to the feeling of Jeonghan’s lips against his own.

“I told you to watch over him not make out with him Han.” Jisoo teased, walking into the hotel room. Jeonghan pulled away and glared at the vocalist.

“Come on, I’m finally allowed to kiss him and you still stop me?” Jisoo rolled his eyes and leaned over Jeonghan to place a quick peck on Seungcheol’s lips.

“He’s sick, and I don’t want you getting sick either.” he chided and then turned to face the leader, “How are you feeling? Your fever went up last night and we got worried.”

“I’m good, just a little tired.” he answered, leaning into Jisoo’s hand when the other pressed it against his forehead to check his temperature. “About yesterday….” Seungcheol wasn’t sure if he should bring up the topic but he knew that they needed to discuss it more at some point.

“It’s okay Cheol, don’t force yourself to talk about it. What you told us is enough. Nothing is going to change baby, trust us. You’re still our precious leader and we’re still going to treat you like we did before, but if you need anything, even if you just want to have time without the processor, don’t be afraid to come to us okay?”

“Yeah,” joined in Jeonghan “We know it must’ve been hard for you in the past, our lives as idols are already difficult as is, so even if it’s just small things, let us make it a little easier okay? You can be yourself Cheol.”

The words made Seungcheol want to cry all over again, he’d always been scared of their possible reactions, but now, he didn’t have to be.

“Do the other members…” the leader began.

“No of course not. We wouldn’t tell them. That is your choice to make, as far as we know they’re still fretting over you passing out.” answered Jeonghan, at which Jisoo perked up.

“Oh! Speaking of, you should probably go see them. They all camped out in Jihoon and Soonyoung’s room because they were so worried and were trying to get an update through Jihoon. Don’t bother about the flight too, we’re stuck here for another two days because the staff wanted to give you time to recover before flying.”

Seungcheol still felt uneasy with the fact the members saw him in such a state but he pushed those thoughts aside. He began to stand with the help of the two vocalists and proceeded to head to Jihoon’s room.

_____ 

“Hyung!” multiple voices cried out when Seungcheol entered the room, crowding around him and bombarding him with questions. Jeonghan and Jisoo had to calm the others down and tell them to give the leader some space, which they immediately complied with.

All thirteen of them managed to cram themselves onto the two beds, with Seungcheol dead center.

“I’m sorry about passing out on you guys. I didn’t realize I was sick in the first place.” he said eyes glued to the white sheets.

“Hyung, don't apologize! We’re just glad you’re okay! You worried us you know.” Jun said a cute pout appearing on his face.

“Yeah!” Seungkwan joined in “And promise us you’ll never do that again! We could’ve finished the concert without you and the fans would understand!”

“Hyung you always told us health comes first but you don’t even listen to your own rules.” Hansol pointed out and a chorus of agreements sounded throughout the room.

“Okay, okay. I promise I won’t do it ever again. Sorry for worrying you guys.” and suddenly twelve other bodies threw themselves onto Seungcheol in a big puppy pile.

They all stayed like that for a bit, just absorbing each other's presence, until Minghao’s head poked up from the pile and looked at the three oldest.

“By the way hyung, are you, Jeonghan hyung and Jisoo hyung dating now? We all know you slept in the same room together and you haven’t been apart since yesterday.”

“Uh..well..I...uhm…” that question came out of nowhere, the three of them never actually talked about it after the confessions but there was a lot of making out, still though, they never really made it official.

“Come on Cheol don’t be so shy.” Jeonghan said before grabbing the leader’s face and planting a kiss on his lips. The members all screamed at the open display of affection and they screamed even louder when Jeonghan separated from him and gave him over to Jisoo so the other could reciprocate the action. Seungcheol didn’t even flinch at the noise, too captivated in the kiss

“FINALLY!” the other members screeched happily.

Seungcheol couldn’t help the flutter of happiness in his chest.

Dare he hope, that maybe...just maybe...he’s found what he’s been looking for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow im so soft..  
> now now now... i think it's time for a special appearance ;))  
> wonder who it could be?  
> next we've seen cute cheol, sad cheol, whipped for Jihan cheol, leader cheol   
> and a tiny bit of *Spoiler Alert* Past Cheol, (ya'll remember those times right?)  
> heavy emphasis on "past" it might not mean what u think it means cuz i love being confusing  
> have fun with that information
> 
> Till next time!
> 
> -Kii<3


	12. What Hid Behind The Clouds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note at the end kinda long but like pls read it cuz im scared u dont understand whats happening

Trust.

Trust was...odd for Seungcheol. You could say it was something he had to work on.

When you first experience something, and it turns sour, your opinion on that something changes. Suddenly you don’t want to experience that again, so you go out of your way to avoid it. 

That’s how Seungcheol chose to explain it, whether it was accurate or not was, well, only known to him.

It turns out he didn’t take into account other people, those who didn’t know the meaning of ‘personal business’. Maybe it was fate that he was put in a group with twelve of those kinds of people.

Like many things, trust is learned. And Seungcheol was able to learn to trust, but only to a certain extent, he always drew a line when it came to belief. When people reached that line, he made sure that they would never cross it, even if it was a little bit.

However everything eventually comes back to bite you in the ass if you wait long enough. So ultimately Seungcheol came to the point he could no longer stop people from crossing that line. 

That was when he learned to truly trust.

Pushing people back had its side effects. It left wounds. But Seungcheol was lucky to have people that would help him heal the damage.

He has yet to reveal everything, but he’ll get there. It is not an ‘if’ anymore. He will get there one day, when he no longer keeps secrets from those that wormed their way into his heart. He has them to help him now.

The loves of his life, Jeonghan and Jisoo. 

His best friend Jihoon.

And maybe one day, he can add nine more to that list.

_____

“But Hannie~” the leader whined, sporting the cutest pout and puppy dog eyes he could muster.

“No is no Cheol. Manager-hyung specifically said, no practice today.” Seungcheol pouted even harder but the younger did not budge. 

“Is hyung whining again?” Wonwoo asked as he came out of his bedroom, dressed and ready for practice that the leader wasn’t allowed to go to.

“Yeah. Still insists that he can go.” Jeonghan replied, pulling away from the leader that had latched on to his arm.

“Come on! Break a mirror once with your head and now I’m not allowed to practice.” Seungcheol vividly remembered the incident that had taken place two days ago.

They were in the middle of learning the new choreography when the rapper had tripped over his untied shoelace and smashed head first into the studio room mirror. While Seungcheol was able to walk away with a small cut on his eyebrow, the mirror wasn’t so lucky. The glass had completely shattered around his head, a few pieces had even fallen off.

Since then Seungcheol was banned from the practice room until the mirror was replaced. Leaving the leader all alone and very bored in the dorm. He had been fine for the first day, he caught up on some sleep, learned to cook more food and caught up with the media. But now he had gotten tired of those activities and wanted to spend time with his members.

“I promise I won’t do anything! I’ll just sit and watch!” He pleaded trying to convince his boyfriend to let him go.

“You’re not going and that’s final. It’s just for one more day Cheol, the new mirror is coming in tonight so just hold on for one more day okay?” Jeonghan placed a kiss on the leader’s forehead before walking out and closing the door behind him. Leaving Seungcheol alone.

Seungcheol is so going to get his revenge.

____

  
It had been four hours and he was beginning to lose his mind. The rapper managed to keep himself occupied by actually watching ‘The Notebook’, this time he understood what was happening since he could turn on the subtitles and make the TV as loud as he wanted.

He was not ashamed to admit he had cried throughout it.

Now he was scrolling through social media, swiping past all the boring, overly invasive news. He had no interest in reading about other people’s lives, especially when the information was gained without their consent. Did people really not understand privacy? Like why make it a word when people were going to ignore the meaning behind it anyway?

Then he had switched over to tiktok, which was actually somewhat entertaining. He should discuss making tiktok accounts with their manager. He had been watching a cute dance cover when the doorbell rang.

Seungcheol was confused. It couldn’t be one of the members or the managers, they all knew the code. Nevertheless it piqued his interest and he needed something to entertain him. He thought ‘screw it’ and went to answer the door.

What he didn’t expect was to find a young man, obviously a foreigner, dressed in a very expensive, specially tailored suit standing behind the door. However it didn’t come as a surprise to him when the man bowed in greeting. Seungcheol could recognize a lavish suit anywhere he went, but he also knew that with the way the man held himself, he wasn’t a noble, but rather, an aid to one. A butler.

“Seungcheol-ssi. It is a pleasure to meet you. My master would like to meet with you immediately. He also told me to give you this.” the butler handed Seungcheol a small card with gold letters neatly written on it.

_ ‘Long time no see. Let’s talk.’ _

Seungcheol recognized that handwriting. Of course he would. As he read the note, he felt ice flow through his veins. A familiar bitterness that he thought he had long buried, roared back to life. 

“Okay.” he said to the butler, a malicious smile growing on his face. He'll humor the man. 

“Take me to him.”

______

When they arrived, the leader was greeted by a beautiful mansion, decorated with finely trimmed shrubs and plants. Rows of maids and butlers that lined the pathway to the entrance, bowed to him as he walked into the manor.

However, Seungcheol stopped in his tracks when they had reached the lobby. The butler in turn, paused in steps and turned to look at the leader.

“Is something the matter sir?” he asked

“Hm.. Don’t you think I’m a little underdressed for this meeting?” Seungcheol questioned, a small smile appeared in the servant’s face.

“He knew you would say that.”

_____

It had been years since Seungcheol had worn this type of clothing. Sure as an idol we wore suits pretty often but this suit was insanely expensive. He knew that the thread itself definitely costed somewhere near half a million. It was also still annoyingly uncomfortable.

They took him to a private room, where a man sat on the very luxurious couch, sipping his cup of tea. But Seungcheol knew, if he was anything like he was before, in that cup was alcohol. Not tea.

He sat down in front of him, Seungcheol hitching his arm on the back of the seat and laying his feet on the table, both staying silent until the servants were out of the room. The man put down his glass once they were alone and looked at the leader. 

“Hello, Cheol.”

“Seungbin-ssi.” Seungcheol greeted coldly. 

“Now now. You act as if we are strangers.” Seungbin tutted eyeing Seungcheol carefully.

“We are” he replied almost instantly and once again a heavy silence filled the room.

“My apologies I couldn’t go to the funeral. I had other, commitments.” the rapper excused, breaking the quietness but not the tension.

In his heart he really was sorry for not being able to go, he owed everything to Lee Kangdae, but he wasn’t going to sincerely apologize to this guy. He wasn’t the one who deserved to hear it. 

“Hm..You really have grown haven’t you?” the man commented, his eyes had never left Seungcheol since he had walked in the room and frankly, it was beginning to get on his nerves.

“Evading, evading.” the leader tisked, smiling slyly at the other. “Seungbin-ssi. Let’s stop that now shall we? Get to the point. Why did you call me here?”

Seungbin scoffed at Seungcheol, eyes hardening as he kept staring. “Still disrespectful I see. Let me remind you I am still your hyung.” 

Seungcheol sneered at his words, the dislike obvious on his face. “Really? Pulling the hyung card still to this day. It is clear that you haven’t changed, drinking alcohol from a teacup in the middle of the afternoon, never gets old does it?” 

“I’m surprised you remember that.”

“Save it. What do you want from me? Don’t tell me you flew all the way to Korea to say hello, you're a very busy man after all Seungbin-ssi.” Seungcheol said, standing up and slowly making his way to the older. 

Slow, careful steps.

“Ten years. All this time and you choose now to come here.” an empty laugh escaped his lips, “What could possibly be the reason for you to grace me with your presence?” he asked, rounding the seat “Ruining my career?... or could it be…”

Seungcheol stopped right in front of him, leaning into his space.

“Have you finally come to get rid of your only other living blood relative, so that the wealth will all belong to you?”

“Seungcheol.” Seungbin warned, the leader could see the rage in the olders eyes but he wasn’t going to back down, not when he was on a roll.

“I don’t see why you bother… you know I’m not in the will anyway. Tell me, do you plan on doing it? An accident? A contract killer?” Seungcheol smirked as he saw Seungbin’s hands grip the seat harshly.

“Oh! I know… you’re going to take me to a place where no one will find me and leave me to die….just like you did...all those years ago.”

_ Snap. _

“Won Seungcheol!” the other man growled, pushing himself up from his seat, burning with rage. Seungcheol despised the fact that he couldn’t hide his flinch. He still wasn’t good with loud noises. 

Seeing the leader recoil, Seungbin’s eyes softened a little. Seungcheol quickly recovered from his reaction and suddenly his demor began to change . The temperature in the room dropped if the shiver Seungbin felt was anything to go by. He knew that the leader was no longer playing around, Seungbin overstepped, and now the younger was seething.

“Don’t. You. Ever. Call. Me. That.” Seungcheol growled, and Seungbin couldn’t help but step back, weary of the other. Unsettled by the cold, heartless eyes of the leader. Eyes filled with nothing but pure hate.

“I am not a Won. I stopped being a Won the moment I walked out that door. But you don’t remember that do you? Cause you weren’t there. So please leave me alone. I don’t want anything to do with the will and I’m sure I’m not in it anyway. But if it really bothers you that much, then by all means...try and kill me. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

Seungbin shouldn’t have been surprised by the words of the other, he had expected a much worse outcome but still, the tone was just so..daunting. Till this day, some aspects of the younger never changed. This being one of those things.

“Oh and please remember… I may not be a Won but I still have my connections. If you want to kill me, go for it. But don’t think I’ll go down without a fight.” with that, Seungcheol turned on his heel and began to walk out the door.

“Mom and Dad are dying Cheol. Are you really not going to see them on their deathbed?”

The leader stopped and turned to look at the other,

“Why should I care? They’re not my parents.” 

And left.

It was heartless of him, he knew. But he didn’t care, they didn’t deserve for him to care. He would never care about them even if they begged him to. He suffered under their hands for years, and was held captive by the memories till this day. Just when he thought he had left it the past….

No. He didn’t give a shit. He wasn’t going to give them the light of day.

Even if his brother asked him to.

_____

Seungcheol opted to walk home, he couldn’t stand having to sit in that god awful limousine. It probably wasn’t a good idea but he was too pissed to care.

No one had ever called him a Won in a decade. 

Even the thought of his surname disgusted him. It was one of the first tasks Seungcheol had when he came to Korea, the biggest thing that tied him to his “family”, other than blood, his last name.

Won Seungcheol.

The youngest son of the Won family.

He felt sick. Walking down the streets he wanted to throw up at the memory of it. The title was a chain, it was a weight and he was so happy when he was able to get rid of it. He wasn’t a Won anymore, he was a Choi. Like his grandmother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay okay, I didn't mean for it to go that dark (with the whole 'try and kill me thing') but this what I had planned for the story since chapter one. Don't forget that the root of this whole problem with Cheol hating himself and being scared about his condition stems from his parents.   
> For this story to end, the cause of the problem has to be mended.  
> Now if ur still confused, what I meant by "Past cheol" is the Cheol before he became an idol, the cheol who was the son of one of the most influential families in this canon. Ie. this cold, angry, heartless cheol. The one who grew up hated. Cheol since as a child was like this, this was his personality. When he came to Korea he buried that part of himself to start anew, his hatred for his family also tied him to his family so he wanted to let that go but it would come out from time to time. (Ie. those convos with Jihoon)  
> Facing his family again, ofc he wouldn't treat them kindly, so that original part of himself showed. 
> 
> Dw this aint some mafia plot twist, they arent going to kill eachother, cheol just jumping to conclusions
> 
> anyway, pls welcome Seungbin. Cheol's older brother. Also pls welcome the last name reveal.  
> Ur boi Choi Seungcheol was actually Won Seungcheol. 
> 
> if ur still confused more will come in the next chapters, an explination about his past and his family and other things. if u got questions ask em, i got no life so i will answer unless it spoilers soo yeaaa
> 
> sorry for the long note.
> 
> -Kii <3


	13. I Want To See The Rainbow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: It does get a little violent but like im not too despcriptive about it

It had been a week since Seungbin had decided to contact him and nothing had happened. His brother was...quiet. Of course Seungcheol was still weary about what the other was going to do, but he knew if the older wanted to do something, he would’ve acted on it by now.

Even if it had been a week, Seungcheol was still uncomfortable by the encounter. It brought back a lot of things he didn’t want to remember. To hear the name come out of his brother’s mouth, reminded him of who he used to be, everything he desperately tried to get away from. Even when he flew to another country, he still couldn’t escape.

You can’t replace the blood that flows through your veins no matter how much you want to.

If anything, having Seungbin show his face only increased Seungcheol’s resentment for him. He finally had what he was looking for, he met people that cared for him as much as he cared for them. They accepted them and were helping him heal. He was moving on, dare he say he was happy. He thought he had finally buried everything.

Then Seungbin came waltzing back into his life, telling him his parents were going to die and he should care.

Newsflash he didn’t.

Just when he thought it was getting better, they came and ruined everything. Why wouldn’t they let him be happy? Even when they’re on the verge of death they still want Seungcheol to suffer.

For that he had no care in the world if they died.

_____

_ ‘Hey sweetheart, what are you doing?’ _ Jisoo signed to him as he walked in.

Both Jeonghan and Jisoo had joined Jihoon in learning sign language since they found out. While the two of them were still beginners and Jihoon was getting a lot better but still far from fluent, Seungcheol was overjoyed that they decided to learn.

Sign was a beautiful language and he had begun to get worried he was starting to forget it. He had only ever used it with the managers on rare occasions, so he didn’t use it that much, but now Seungcheol had three people he could conversate with.

_ ‘I don’t know, laying around.’ _ he signed back, rolling over to make room for the younger.

The three vocalists had also joined forces in getting Seungcheol to take time off from the processor to just be himself, of course it would only be when they were alone and the members weren’t around but they still wanted him to do so. 

_ ‘Something on your mind?’ _ Jisoo asked and Seungcheol took a moment to think. The leader didn’t want to hide anything from his boyfriends anymore, but family was still too sensitive of a topic for him. He also didn’t want them to get involved with them. Who knows what they would do.

__ In the end Seungcheol signed  _ ‘I’m not ready to talk about it’ _ and Jisoo left it at that.

Like they promised him, they wouldn’t force him to talk about his issues unless he was ready to and as long as he wasn’t hurting himself in the process. Seungcheol honestly felt so blessed to have such understanding boyfriends. One day he will tell them about his family.

_ ‘Cuddle?’ _ and that was all he needed to throw himself onto Jisoo and latch on to the younger like there was no tomorrow.

Jeonghan walked in a few minutes later and read the situation. He didn’t say anything, he just got on the other side of the leader and wrapped his arms around him too.

Damn, did Seungcheol feel so safe in their arms.

_____

Once again Seungcheol found himself all alone in the dorms. The others had gone out to enjoy their freetime and promised to come back with food. The leader didn’t feel like going out so he decided to stay home.

He had been lazily watching T.V when the doorbell had rang,without much of a second thought he went to answer it. At this point the reunion with his brother had been pretty much forgotten. So when he had opened the door to see none other than Won Seungbin…

He slammed the door in his face.

Then walked back to the living room.

He then proceeded to hear multiple crashes of the door before it was kicked open.

“Really? My door?” Seungcheol deadpanned, looking at his brother up and down before promptly walking away to go lock himself in his room.

“I can buy you a new one.” he grunted and chased after the leader, grabbing his arm to force the other to look at him.

“We need to talk.” 

“I don’t care.” the leader said, trying to yank his arm out of Seungbin’s grip. 

“Don’t make me get my servants in here to hold you down. It’s a talk Cheol, humor me this one time.” Seungbin said, tightening his grip on Seungcheol’s arm.

“I humored you the last time I went. Leave.” 

“I’m not kidding Cheol, if I have to get my men to hold you down I will do it.” he threatened but Seungcheol just looked at him unbothered.

He rolled his eyes and harshly tugged his arm away, moving to sit on the couch. 

“You have five minutes.” he said.

His older brother sighed and sat down in front of him.

“Mom and Dad are being transferred to Korea.” when those words left Seungbin’s mouth, Seungcheol’s eyes widened.

“What? Why!?”

Seungbin held up his hand, signalling to the younger to let him continue, “They’re not going to make it. The doctor told them they only have about a month left, they want to come back to Korea, their birthplace. They want to die here and then be buried here. It’s their last wish.”

“And what? You want me to give a shit?” he replied.

“Seungcheol! They’re you’re-”

“No.” the leader interrupted “No they’re not. You listen to me. Not once have they ever been my parents and not once did they ever treat me as their kid. From the moment I was born and the doctor told them I was deaf you know what they thought of me? A failure! A disgrace! A dysfunctional child! I was an embarrassment! They wished they never gave birth to me!

Their heads were so far up their ass that they cared more about their pride and image, instead of their own son! They made me hide who I am, they made me do all these things to cover their mistake! But even after everything they put me through, the speech therapy, the surgery, not once did they ever love or care for me. I was raised by a butler! He was more of a parent to me then they ever were!

Hell they didn’t even try to communicate with me! Even after I learned to talk I got nothing! No, good morning Seungcheol! No, how was your day! Not even a hello! They wouldn’t learn sign language and they threatened to break my fingers if they ever caught me using it!”

He could feel tears sting his eyes, but he held them back, he wasn’t going to cry. He was not going to waste his tears on this man. Instead he let the rage swallow him whole.

“Did you ever get that?! No! They loved you more than anything else, they gave you everything you wanted and treated you like a gift. Not once did they ever tell you that you can’t be who you are because it was inconvenient for them! You expect me to care?! No! I’m not going to care about those asshats who never gave a shit about me!

And you! I trusted you! You were my brother! My hyung! I didn’t care if Mom and Dad cared about you more than me because at least you cared about me! You said you did! But you left! When I needed you, you left! I was alone in that house with those god-awful people you call parents! Till this day I will never forget what they did to me! You do not get to come back into my life after I had finally got away and tell me I should care! Because I don’t!”

Seungcheol stood up in fury,

“I DON’T”

_ Crack _

The younger’s head whipped to the side as he felt a hot, stinging sensation in his cheek. Looking back to Seungbin in shock, he saw the elder frozen in place, a similar surprised face and his hand hovering in the air.

_ ‘He slapped me….that son of a-’ _

That thought wasn’t finished as his body, as if on instinct, clenched his fist and threw it right into Seungbin’s stunned face, sending the older man to the ground. 

Seungbin held his face in disbelief.

Something in the two brothers snapped. 

And they began to brawl.

Punch after punch was hurled in each of their faces, neither one relenting their attack. Seungcheol let all the anger he had gathered over the years explode in a fire of hits. He tackled his brother to the ground grabbing him by the collar to pull him face to face.

“If you think that-”

“Hyung?” a meek voice called out. 

The two brother’s heads whipped to look at the door.

Where the rest of Seventeen stood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. Oh dear. I wonder what happens now :D  
> Cheol really snapped :0  
> The brothers really got some steam they need to burn off so i guess that came out in a fist fight? Hmm I wonder how Seungbin feels with this whole situation? and I wonder if Cheol still holds a little bit of love for his brother? 
> 
> Well guess we'll find out!
> 
> TYSM FOR ALL THE SUPPORT! IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY =D  
> I'm kinda sad tho cuz we're reaching the end :(( 
> 
> Lots of love!
> 
> -Kii <3


	14. AUTHORS NOTE

Hey guys! It’s Kii

I really hate to say this but the next chapter is going to be delayed for a bit. I’m not sure how long but I’m not feeling all that great (no.its not corona) I have a really bad headache and I’m finding it hard to look at a screen as well as reading and writing.

I will try my best to get the chapter out as soon as I can, once I can get out of bed.

I hope you guys understand! Thank you so much for all the support and encouragement!

Stay safe, lots of love,

-Kii


	15. He Who Stands At The Helm Of The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg you guys! I'm not dead!   
> THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the encouragement you guys have been giving me and thank you so much for being so understanding! I'm not at 100% yet but at least I can look at a screen without wanting to vomit right? While I am back to writing, the chapters might come out a little slower than usual cuz by brain is still kinda fuzzy.

_ Well shit. _

Seungcheol definitely had the worst luck ever.

The members stood in the doorway frozen with bags of take out in their hands. The leader cursed at himself for not realizing the time. After a few moments silence Hansol and Minghao who had been in the front of the clump, snapped out of their daze, rushing to Seungcheol, pulling him off the mysterious person they didn’t know.

The remaining members quickly followed after the pair, Mingyu and Jun grabbing the man on the ground, trapping his arms behind his back and the others shoving Seungcheol behind them to shield him away from Seungbin.

The two brothers sported bruised and bloody faces. Jeonghan and Jisoo curled around the leader protectively, not pleased at seeing his busted lip. 

“Who are you?” Mingyu growled at the man when he tried to escape their holds.

“Oh?” Seungbin smiled slyly “Seungcheol didn’t tell you?” he said, turning to look at his brother being hidden away by multiple bodies. “Tell me, just how much have you not told them?” 

“Shut up.” Seungcheol snarled, already trying to move past his members to pumble the elder, only to be pulled back by Jeonghan.

Seungbin was about to retort when another figure appeared in the doorway.

“Sir. We must leave now.” the servant said, seemingly unbothered by the mess.

The older Won sneered, ripping his arms out from Jun’s and Mingyu’s grip, reluctantly following the servant out the door. Only when the car was heard driving off, did everyone else relax.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Jihoon asked, slowly walking to the leader who just nodded his head. 

Everyone in the room was silent, the sudden shock from the scene they had walked in on, finally settling in. No one had seen Seungcheol so blind in anger that he’d involve himself in a fight. The leader didn’t even dare yell at any of them, accept for that one time, let alone raise his fists.

“Cheol, who was that?” a gentle voice asked, and though Seungcheol’s eyes were glued to the ground, he knew it was Jisoo.

“I-I….” he didn’t know what to say. What was he supposed to say? He just got caught red handed. He can’t make up a lie for beating someone up. There’s nothing he can say that would be believable. 

Well...except for the truth.

Seungcheol was mentally preparing himself to finally tell the members his secret, but even then he was only going to reveal his condition. There was nothing he could do though. If he were to lie now, his members would see right through him.

He felt the panic in his chest begin to rise but he took a deep breath and made up his mind. 

This wasn’t the way he wanted to do this, but it was the only thing he can do now.

“Let’s move to the living room. It’s a long story.”

_____

Everyone was quiet as they sat on the couch, Seu n gcheol was pressed in between his boyfriends as they tended to his wounds. By his fidgeting, they could tell he was nervous, the duo’s small caresses as they patched him up let him know that they were there for him. Seungcheol held on to that like a support.

After a while, Jun noticed no one was speaking up so he decided to begin, “I think we all deserve an explanation hyung.” he said, voice calm and even. 

Honestly it shouldn’t have surprised Seungcheol that Jun was the first to say something. While the younger was adorable and playful, he was still one of the oldests. Jun was capable of being in charge and can handle situations well. If ever him, Jeonghan and Jisoo go out of commission, he knew Jun would be able to step up if needed.

Seungcheol gulped, trying to organize his thoughts. He really wasn’t prepared for this and he was still feeling the adrenaline from earlier burning through his veins but the reassuring squeeze he felt from Jeonghan let him know that it was going to be okay.

Ever since they found out, they slowly worked on building trust between not only them but with the rest of the members. To show Seungcheol that he was loved and that they would accept him no matter what.

The rational part of him knew that his members really cared for him but there was still that lingering part of his brain that told him they’d turn on him the moment they found out.

“I...I never really talk about my family with you guys right?” they all nodded.

“The person you saw today was...was..” he wanted to say it, but the words got stuck in his throat. Jisoo kept rubbing his arms, as the leader’s breathing increased, trying to calm him down. It took a moment but Seungcheol managed to swallow down the feeling of impending doom and focus. He could do this, he told himself he could.

Jeonghan, Jisoo and Jihoon were here for him. They’d never let the others hurt him.

“The person you saw was…....”

“Won Seungbin.” Wonwoo finished. The interruption earned him a wack from Mingyu but Seungcheol didn’t mind. He looked at the younger in surprise as he nodded.

“How did you know?” he asked.

Wonwoo pulled out his phone and showed the room an article. “He’s the heir of Swon Corporation. One of the biggest corporations worldwide. You guys might not know him since they’re not based in Korea, but since the family is of Korean descent they did a few articles on them. My question is though, what the hell were you doing beating up a millionaire in our living room hyung?” 

Seungcheol was in awe of Wonwoo's knowledge but he reminded himself of the situation. He held tightly onto Jisoo’s hand as he said the answer he wished he didn’t have to say.

“Won Seungbin...is my older brother.” the room went dead quiet.

“WHAT!?” the room erupted in surprise. Indistinguishable words and questions were thrown at the leader who jumped at the rise in volume.

“HYUNG YOU’RE RICH?”

“YOU’RE PART OF THE WON FAMILY?”

“HOLY SHIT YOU’RE A MILLIONAIRE?”

“Sit down and be quiet!” Jihoon snapped at the members who instantly apoligized and sat down.

“Cheol… that was your brother?” Jisoo asked and for a second Seungcheol was scared to look the other in the eye just in case he was mad but Jisoo lifted his chin to make the leader see that he wasn’t angry, only surprised.

Seungcheol kept trying to breathe, and continued. “My birth name is Won Seungcheol. I was the second son of the Won family. I changed my name when I came to Korea, took my grandmother’s maiden name Choi because she wasn’t affiliated with the Won’s.”

“Is there a reason why you don’t want to be associated with your family?” The question came from Jihoon and Seungcheol hated what came next.

The first secret was revealed. Now only one more was left. The one he didn’t know if he dreaded more than the first.

“There was another thing I was hiding from you guys. Jihoon, Jeonghan and Jisoo already know but...now I don’t really have a choice but to tell you.” he carefully reached up to his ear and pulled out his processor. Similar to how he told his boyfriends, he extended his hand to let everyone see before returning it into his ear.

“I’m deaf. I have been since birth. That’s the reason I’m no longer a Won. My parents weren’t happy when they found out their son was deaf, they were rich, people looked up and respected them. I was dysfunctional, an embarrassment. If people found out they had a son like me, it would tarnish their reputation. So they made me hide it. I got a cochlear implant, speech therapy, everything so I would look and seem normal. It made my life a living hell, they never treated me like their kid and I hated it. They treated me like shit and tore me apart in ways I wish they didn’t.” he began to choke on his words as the tears dripped down his face.

Jeonghan and Jisoo held him in their arms trying to show their support despite their surprise. The members stayed quiet, trying to process the information.

“I still remember everything they did and told me when I was growing up and it still haunts me till this day. I became scared of who I was because of them. And I despised them for it. All I ever was, was a disappointment, I was useless. Every word they could throw at me, they did. When I wanted to become an idol they told me they wouldn’t support it, and they told me if I left for Korea that I was no longer part of their family. So I left. I came here and changed my name and kept everything a secret because...because I was scared. I was so scared that you all would hate me.”

Seungcheol stayed silent. Eyes cast down on the couch, watching his tears drip into the fabric. He has said it. He told them the truth. Now he waits for their reaction. What he feared most.

What were they going to say?

The first thing he registered were arms wrapping around him in a tight hug. Not Jeonghan or Jisoo’s arms though, it was Hansol’s. The younger’s tears dripped on his shoulder as he held the leader as tight as he could.

“I-I..I’m so sorry hyung...you never should’ve been treated like that. I’m sorry that you never felt that you could tell us..we love you hyung….we-we could never hate you….” the younger cried into the embrace and Seungcheol couldn’t help but freeze in awe. 

One by one more arms wrapped around him in a big group hug, and Seungcheol let all his tears flow down. All the fear, the anxiety, all the emotions he had kept to himself finally bursted out. He had nothing to hide anymore. Every worse possible outcome his mind could conjure was thrown out the window because he’s got the best outcome. 

He was relieved. So goddamn relieved.

They accepted him.

All of him.

_____

For the first time, the rest of Seventeen saw their leader cry. It was a sight that all of them agreed they never wanted to see again, seeing tears flow down his face broke them in a way they never knew it could. The leader who was so strong and always so happy, was holding back a flood of pain.

They were surprised. Of course they were. They realized they didn’t know their leader as much as they thought they did but there was also guilt, they were guilty that he never felt okay enough to tell them the truth. 

Hearing Seungcheol reveal all that he had hidden, hurt. It hurt that he didn’t tell them but then again, they couldn’t blame him. He grew up not knowing who cared, who didn’t. Who to trust, who to not. He was pushed against a wall. So he protected himself in the only way he knew how.

_____

“I’m sorry I never told you guys before…” Seungcheol whispered as the arms retreated.

“What matters is that you told us now hyung.” Jun replied “We can help you. You don’t have to hide anything anymore. It must’ve been hard keeping everything from us right?”

“Yeah….” he agreed, laying into Jeonghan’s chest. 

“I do have one more question though, sweetheart.” Seungcheol nodded, telling Jisoo to continue.

“It’s been ten years. Why is he here now and what happened before we got home?” the leader didn’t answer right away, honestly he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to word the situation without sounding like a heartless bastard.

“It’s because of your parent’s accident, right?” Wonwoo finished again.

Mingyu slapped his shoulder “Yah! You’re supposed to let hyung talk!”

Seungcheol laughed at the pair “No, Wonwoo’s right. A while ago, my parents got into a crash. They’re in critical condition. Seungbin met with me a few weeks ago, he told me that they were dying, I told him I didn’t want anything to do with them and left. Today he came to the dorm to talk to me again. My parents only have a few months left, they’re being transferred to a hospital here in Korea. He said they wanted to die and be buried in the place they were born.” 

Seungcheol tensed at the thought of being near to his parents “He kept telling me that I should see them before they die but I didn’t want to. I had no reason to. They were never my parents so why should I care? It wasn’t like they cared about me-”

“Shhh” Jeonghan hushed in his ear. Him and Jisoo pulled him tighter into their arms when they noticed Seungcheol getting worked up and like magic he calmed down.

“Sorry.” he apologized. “We got into a big argument about it and he slapped me when I went off on him. So I ended up punching him and it escalated from there.”

Jisoo caressed the purplish bruise forming on the leader’s face. It could easily be covered with makeup, the busted lip however? Not so much. It pissed Jisoo off that Seungcheol got hurt but he didn’t voice that to the other.

“So….what are you going to do hyung?” 

Seungcheol looked at Jihoon, eyes bridged between the coldness and warmth.

“Let them do what they want. I will do what I want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh and so all the members finally know!   
> But dw we're not done yet. There's still one more thing that needs to be settled remember?  
> The next chapter will actually be a flashback to cheol's past so stay tuned!  
> I hope this chapter wasn't terrible cuz i did write half of it while the screen looked like a worm hole sooooo yeaaaaa  
> i didn't want you guys to wait for so long so i did my best to recover and write it!
> 
> Lots of love 
> 
> -Kii<3


	16. The Eye Of The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a flash back chapterrrrrr
> 
> also just in case u get confused cuz theres like 3 languages being spoken
> 
> "yaddayaddayadaa" NOT in italics means its being spoken in english
> 
> "Yaddayaddayadda" IN italics is korean
> 
> 'yaddayaddayadda' in italics is sign language (Notice it is ' not ")

“Now Seungcheol, before we finish, recite to me the sentence we’ve been working on.”

Seungcheol stared at the lady who sat in front of him, it was the first sentence he had ever learned and yet she still decides to test him on it. He knew she believed repetition is key but this was just...ugh.

“Hello my name is Seungcheol Won. I am eight years old. I like to play video games and read books.” he said perfectly, words he had rehearsed for as long as he could remember and now were embedded into his brain.

“Very well done. Now, say it in korean.” the child looked at the lady in shock, her blue eyes looking back at him with a knowing gaze.

“Someone let me in on a little secret. Now, show me what you know.” 

Seungcheol beamed at his teacher and did his best to translate the sentence into korean. Although his family is fully korean, the only language ever spoken at home was english.

_ “Hello! My name is Won Seungcheol! I am eight years old. I like video games and reading!” _ He said, stuttering over his words cutely.

“Very well done Seungcheol! What a smart boy!” his speech therapist complimented, earning a toothy grin from the child.

“Indeed, a very smart boy.” a deep soothing voice joined in, the eight year old immediately whipping his head to the door.

“Kangdae!” the boy squealed, jumping off his seat and running into the man’s awaiting arms. He hoisted Seungcheol on his hip, laughing at the big hug the child gave him.

“How was the lesson Miss Kira?” Kangdae asked the teacher who stood up and greeted him.

“It went very well. Seungcheol can speak like any other eight year old boy and can form the sounds expertly. Actually I’d say he’s more advanced since he’s learning korean. While the sounds in korean are harder for him, you’ve taught him well and I’m sure he’ll improve.”

Kangdae thanked the woman before returning his attention to Seungcheol who was on his hip. “Are you ready to return to the house Seungcheol?” he asked. The boy who was originally occupied playing with his butler’s tie, looked at the man grimly.

“Do I have to go back?”

Kangdae looked at the small boy in his arms. So young, and yet suffering at the hand of discrimination. While the servant dreaded having to return the child to that home, he had nowhere else he could bring him.

_____

_ “Bin-bin hyung!” _ the child cried out happily rushing to the older boy who engulfed him in a hug.

_ “Hello Cheolie. I have ice-cream, do you wanna share it?” _ Seungbin replied in korean. Both brothers learned the language through Kangdae and have opted to speak with each other in it for practice. Their parents never used it, so they only ever spoke it with Kangdae or when they were alone.

Seungbin smiled when he saw his younger brother gleam. He quickly grabbed the tub of ice-cream and two spoons before running back to Seungcheol.

_____

_ “Hyungie.” _ a small voice called out. Seungbin instantly turned to Seungcheol who stood at the doorway of his bedroom. Tears running down his face as he shrinked into himself.

_ ‘Did Dad yell at you again?’ _ the boy signed to his brother, knowing how sensitive the other was with loud volumes.

“No sign language” was Seungcheol’s only reply, he had switched into english which meant he was too tired to try and sound out the words. Seungbin led the boy into his bed and tucked him the covers, knowing how mentally straining being yelled at was for his younger brother.

_ ‘I don’t care. I know you’re more comfortable with it.’ _

_ ‘Thank you.’ _ Seungcheol signed back and fell asleep to Seungbin running his fingers lightly through his hair.

His older brother was Seungcheol's second favourite person in the whole wide world. The first was Kangdae. He was like Seungcheol’s father. He knew that his actual Dad didn’t love him, he knew that for as long as he could remember but Seungcheol was okay with it. He had Kangdae and Kangdae was the best.

His parents loved his hyung though. Sometimes he got jealous because he wanted that too, he wanted to be praised and brought along to parties. Seungbin was nice to him, he said he loved Seungcheol and was always there for him. He hugged Seungcheol when he was sad and helped him with his school work. 

Seungbin promised he would never leave Seungcheol.

So Seungcheol stopped caring that his parents loved Seungbin.

_____

“WHAT DID I TELL YOU!?” his father screamed, who was covering his ears at the painful noise.

“I SAID NO SIGN LANGUAGE. WHAT IF SOMEONE SEES YOU HUH?!” he grabbed the boy’s wrists, yanking them down from shielding his ears. Letting the child hear his voice at full volume.

“YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TARNISH MY REPUTATION YOU INSOLENT CHILD!” he released his bruising grip on the ten year old’s wrist and left the boy on the floor, shaking.

Kangdae quickly ran into the room and scooped the child into his arms. “Seungcheol. Are you okay.” his voice was a whisper, knowing the boy’s ears were ringing.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Seungcheol replied quietly and Kangdae felt his chest contort at the boy’s face. Despite his body shaking uncontrollably, no tears were evident. And his eyes were nothing but cold, hollow shells. No longer harbouring the intense fear and sorrow it used to after being yelled at.

Sadness filled Kangdae’s heart. The innocence and joy that once filled the boys eyes were gone. He had hopes that Seungcheol would hold on to that small bit of childlike wonder but he knew it was a vain wish. What he feared would happen is becoming a reality.

Seungcheol was becoming used to it.

_____

Seungcheol was smiling gleefully as he held the diploma in his hand. Like he expected his parents didn’t show up to the ceremony. Seungbin said he couldn’t make it, which made him a little sad but Kangdae was there and that was good enough for him.

He couldn’t wait until he got home. Usually he would do his best to avoid the house as much as possible but this time he really wanted to see his brother. Seungcheol graduated at fourteen, just like his hyung. Well actually Seungbin was a boy genius, he graduated highschool at thirteen but still Seungcheol was proud of himself. 

Everyone in the Won family graduated and went to University young. Seungbin had done so and Seungcheol was eager to follow his footsteps. He looked up to his brother more than anything and strived to be like him. 

When he got home though, his heart broke.

He barged into his brother’s room to find it stripped bare. All his clothes and belongings were gone. Kangdae sadly relayed the news to the youngest Won. His brother had packed up and left to go study abroad. Seungcheol hadn’t been told a word.

That day his brother left him in a home of monsters.

He had Kangdae. But soon even he wasn’t enough.

_____

“When you walk out that door you’re no longer part of this family.” he heard his father say.

And Seungcheol stopped in his tracks to glare back at the man. 

_ “I was never part of this family in the first place.” _

He didn’t know if his father knew korean but well, he didn’t care. He walked out that door with not an ounce of hesitation and as he walked out, he left behind everything.

His name.

The dreadful memories.

The language.

Everything.

Nothing will tie him to the Won family.

_____

_ “Number 12220!” _

_ “Here!” _

_ “Name?” _

_ “Seungcheol. Choi Seungcheol.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well. that was that.   
> I hope you guys liked the chapter and why did i put it in u might ask? cuz its important.   
> Now..did ur opinion on Seungbin change a little? Or nah?  
> so cheol did speak english. buuutttttt lets remember that he left everything behind that connected him to his family and its been 10 years of him not speaking it, so he's basically forgotten anyway.   
> and while it might've been useful for him to keep the ability to speak english, when he found out Hansol and Joshua were going to be part of the group, it decided it was fine if he forgot about it. he still kinda understands it tho.
> 
> whatever you'll get my point in another chapter.
> 
> love u guys!
> 
> -Kii <333


	17. The Light Peaking Through The Clouds

It was quiet. 

The thirteen of them laid in the array of cushions they had thrown down on the floor of the living room. None of the members had wanted to leave their leader after the reveal of his past, so they agreed on a big sleepover. 

Seungcheol took this time to explain a lot of things. He told them how he hid his condition and some stories about his childhood. They found out that Seungcheol had lived in the states when he was young because the main branch of the corporation was built there.

Jisoo and Hansol perked up at this, Jisoo especially, thinking that his boyfriend could speak his native tongue. He had slightly deflated when Seungcheol told him that it had been ten years and he could barely remember english but he also knew that the leader would’ve most likely dropped the language on purpose due to it being another factor that connected him to his parents.

Having that in mind, he wasn’t that disappointed. Most of them were still quite shell-shocked at the information given to them. It’s not everyday that you find out your leader is deaf and is the son of a millionaire.

But all of them were enlightened. 

Their Seungcheol truly was the Diamond Leader. 

In their heads, the rest of Seventeen already had plans to help out their hyung. He had already done so much for them and they had to do something in return. Seungcheol had finally trusted them to expose himself. While the situation didn’t happen in favorable circumstances, he was going to tell them eventually. It just happened earlier than he expected.

A certain pair though, had an odd thought in their mind.

As Seunghcheol slept comfortably in the middle of Jeonghan and Jisoo, the two vocalists couldn’t help but wonder. They knew their boyfriend was dead set on having nothing to do with his parents, so they knew he wouldn’t appreciate them bringing it up again.

Even then though, they still craved an answer.

_____

It had been a month now since Seventeen had been told about the leader’s secret and all of them had done their own little things to show Seungcheol that they supported him without making him feel like he was receiving special attention.

All of them took sign language classes when they were free. The three who had known before the others had become pretty proficient in sign, while the others were still struggling in some aspects. Either way it warmed Seungcheol’s heart to see them putting in the effort to learn it.

Whenever Soonyoung and the performance team were showing him the new choreography or just helping him in dance in general, they would do it barefoot. That way the leader could feel the music through the floor. When the group practiced together, they had a portable speaker in the studio if Seungcheol ever wanted to hold and feel the music in his palms instead.

Minghao would help him with covering his ears whenever he felt insecure about the processor. Showing him ways to hide his ears while still looking fashionable. The younger also always had a beanie with him on schedules in case the leader wanted one.

During movies they turned up the T.V and put on the subtitles. That way he could understand what was actually happening. When the leader was having a bad day, the others knew to turn down the volume in the dorms. Seungkwan and Seokmin did their best not to accidentally screech like banshees out of nowhere and give their hyung a heart attack along with a headache.

If Seungcheol ever wanted quiet time away from everything, Wonwoo would be his go to person. He’d curl up in the younger’s bean bag and read books with him. It was relaxing and it became a hobby of some sort for him.

Nothing but relief and happiness passed through him in this month. He was so thankful for his members for doing all of this for him. He had actually cried the first few times they did so. He found himself foolish for not having said anything from the beginning. Seventeen was nothing but supportive. 

_____

The thought had been bothering Jeonghan and Jisoo for a while. Yet they were still very much unsure about bringing it up to the rapper. Unfortunately, Seungcheol noticed something was up.

“Shua. Hannie.” he called out when he walked into the room, spotting the pair laying on Seungcheol’s bed.

“What’s up sweetheart?” Jisoo asked, sitting up and pulling the leader down onto his lap.

“No. What’s up with you guys? You’ve been weird and I wanna know why. You guys can tell me anything you know.” At this point Jeonghan had also sat up to curl himself on Seungcheol’s back.

“We’re sorry if we made you feel like that baby. We just didn’t know if we should bring it up. We know it’s a sensitive subject for you and we don’t want to upset you honey.” Seungcheol climbed out of Jisoo’s lap and sat down by the head of the bed. That way all three of them were facing each other.

“Okay…. What is it? If it’s you guys, I’m okay with talking about it.” The two vocalists looked unsure at first but Seungcheol was insistent. Jeonghan nudged Jisoo, telling him to start.

“Well, when you were telling us stories about your family we kinda noticed something…” Jisoo glanced over at Jeonghan, hesitant to continue but the other just nudged him harshly.

“We saw how you talked about your brother Cheol and you guys were really close up until your graduation. I know you hate him because of what he did to you baby, but you can’t help that small look in your eye when you talk about those memories. We just want to ask…..deep inside….isn’t there a part of you that wishes you were still brothers?”

Seungcheol had to admit he didn’t see that coming. However it did make him think.

“I-I...I’m not really sure. I adored him but... then he just left. Without a word, without anything. He left me alone in that house with those demons. Kangdae….Kangdae was there but he was old, there was only so much he could do. When he left...it was like he fed me to the animals. It was like he left me to die. That..I can never forget that.”

The leader’s fists were clenched tightly as he spoke, feeling the rage begin to rush through his veins at the thought.

“Even now...he wants me to see those assholes when he knows full well I hate them with everything I got. He’s changed. He’s not the brother I grew up with. In the end….he ended up just like them.”

Jisoo placed his hand on Seungcheol’s fist, trying to ease the leader by lightly caressing his knuckles.

“Did you ever find out the reason why he left and changed so much?” the leader shook his head at that. Jeonghan moved closer to Seungcheol and took the other’s face in his hands.

“We aren’t telling you what to do Cheol, okay? But as an older brother myself, a bond to a sibling is different from other bonds. Your brother did something unforgivable, he hurt you, a lot. But I see it in your eyes baby. Somewhere in your heart, you still want your hyung. I’m not saying forgive him. He doesn’t deserve that from you, but part of moving on, is settling the anger of the past. I know you want to move on, I know you don’t want to have anything to do with them, but that hatred still ties you to them. I don’t think you can truly move on until you let that go baby.”

Seungcheol could feel the sincerity in both their eyes. He knew they weren’t trying to tell him what he should do, they were giving him another choice. A part of him knew that they were right. He had every right to be angry, but in the end that anger means he never really let go of his past. He had only found something to distract him, he became occupied in his new life that he had thrown his anger to the side. Buried it. 

But the moment they came back, it all came rushing back up. It never really was gone. It just subsided.

“You have a point. But let me think for a while okay? I just-my head just isn’t-”

“Shhhh..” the pair took Seungcheol in between them, calming him down with their touches.

“We understand sweetheart. It’s your choice to make. We will support you no matter which one you choose okay?”

Seungcheol hummed in reply, letting himself drift into their embrace.   
_____

It had been a week since that conversation with Jisoo and Jeonghan happened. Seungcheol was still thinking about it and he really didn’t know what to do. He was honestly, quite lost.

He was wandering around a small market, looking at the assortment of food and objects that were on sale. At first, he had gone to get some vegetables for the dorm since they had run out and Mingyu wanted to cook but the leader didn’t feel like heading back to the dorm just yet so he opted to walk around for a bit.

He stopped by a small shop where an old man was selling these beautiful decorations and jewelry. A case holding a jade stone caught his eye. The stone had intricate patterns carved into it and designs he recognized were letters but couldn't pinpoint which language it was.

“It is very enchanting right?” Seungcheol jumped at the voice and turned to look at where it came from. Behind him stood the small old man who was the owner of the shop.

“Yes, it is.” he replied and the old man smiled and moved to hold the stone in his palms.

“There was an old legend behind this stone you know? It was a sad but inspiring tale.” the shop owner said, staring at the jade in his hands.

“What is the story about?” the leader replied, the man scratched his chin at that.

“Well you see, I don’t really remember but the story sprouted saying, which in a way summarizes what the story represents. The saying goes….

‘When two people meet, a string ties their hearts as one, should it ever be broken, though the symbol that tied them may be gone, the feeling of the connection remains. The other is bound to suffer by it, until they accept that the remains are not a punishment but a gift’

Well at least that is how I think it goes!” the owner said, smiling at the leader who was frozen in place.

Something in Seungcheol clicked. He ran back to the dorm, bursting into Jisoo and Jeonghan’s room.

“Cheol what the-”

“I need you to come with me to see Seungbin!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welll guess that happend.  
> dw cheol is not going to be all chummy with his family at the end of this cuz honestly i don't believe in that. i don't think they ever deserve to be forgived or ever be a part of cheol's life.  
> but ofc cheol needs to move on, he can't do that if hasn't settled all the feelings hes been keeping these past 10 years yknow?
> 
> anyway I hope u guys are still chill with the route this story is going cuz thats how ive always planned it.
> 
> Im so very thankful for how much people are reading and are supporting me. THANK YOUUUUU
> 
> lots of luvvvv
> 
> -Kii<33333


	18. The Moon Who Had Been Silent In The Rain

“Wait what?” 

“I said, I need you to come with me to see Seungbin.” The two vocalists looked at the leader wide eyed.

“Are you sure this is what you want sweetheart?” Jisoo asked, standing from the bed and walking to him.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while now and you guys were right. When I step back and look at it, I’m angry. And I’ve always been angry at them. Which in the end, made me keep them in the back of my mind and not actually leaving them in the past. Everything they did to me, the memories they’ve left me with, is not something that I should ever forgive. But I shouldn’t waste my anger on them. I want to move on. For that I need to leave my anger behind.”

The other two were honestly impressed with Seungcheol’s words. He always managed to make them inspiring and heartfelt. They knew this decision wasn’t an easy one. Afterall he had escaped his family and hid his condition for ten years before everything came crashing down on him. Facing them again is brave.

“And I need you guys there. I-I can’t do it alone.” Jeonghan grabbed his hand, looking at him with eyes full of support.

“Okay. Let’s do this.”

_____

They had planned out what they were going to do when they met with Seungbin. What they would say and what they would do in case it turned for the worse. Seungcheol would do most of the talking, with Jeonghan and Jisoo there for support. The other two would only speak if Seungcheol was unable to.

They had told the members about the plan and was met with encouragement but also disagreement.

“Hyung are you sure you don’t want us there for backup? What if that bastard tries to pull something?” Mingyu said, tugging on the arm of the leader like a child.

“We’ll be fine Gyu. He won’t hurt me.”

“You guys were literally having a fist fight.” Added in Minghao from his place on the couch.

“Yeah! Plus you guys are going into enemy territory! You never know what kind of tricks he could play. And you’re out numbered! He’s rich! He could totally have a bunch of guards!” 

“Seokmin, please stop treating this like one of your video games.” Scolded Jihoon before looking at the trio.

“But are you sure you don’t want more of us? Not even to be there beside you but on the outside so they don’t pull something by surprise y'know?” a chorus of agreements were heard from the other nine.

Seungcheol sighed at his members. He knew they were worried about him but he didn’t want any of them near his family. He was already risking it bringing his boyfriends along but he knew he needed them with him. 

“Guys, I know you’re worried but trust me. We can handle this. Jeonghan and Jisoo are only coming with me for moral support. And to make sure I don’t end up smashing my brother’s head in.” the members were skeptical for a bit before finally accepting their leaders choice and seeing them off at the door.

The car ride was quiet. Mostly because not only was Seungcheol nervous but Jeonghan and Jisoo were too. They were about to meet their lovely leader’s older brother. They had seen him before but only for a bit before he left the dorm. This time they were going to sit down and have a talk with him. They didn’t know whether they should be scared because he’s a rich and powerful millionaire or be ready to punch him for what they did to Seungcheol.

When they arrived at the mansion, the two vocalists couldn’t help but stare in awe at the building. Surely enough, Won Seungbin definitely fit the “rich and powerful” title.

Walking down the pathway to the front of the house, they were stopped at the mid way point by a group of guards. Jeonghan and Jisoo were ready to be attacked, they also grew worried for Seungcheol who had uncharacteristically froze up. After a few minutes of staring the guards suddenly bowed, a full ninety degrees. Showing nothing but utter respect.

“Master Seungcheol. We had no idea you were arriving. It is a pleasure to see you once again sir.” the head guard said when the group had straightened.

He was young, older than them but still young. Seungcheol blinked out of his daze.

“Yejoon. It’s been a while.” the leader gretted earning a smile from the guard.

“Yes it has. It is nice to see you have grown into a fine young man sir. Could I ask what brings you here to the manor?”

“I’m here to see Seungbin. There’s something I need to discuss with him.” Yejoon nodded and communicated with some others through a walkie talkie before returning his attention to Seungcheol.

“Master Seungbin is in his office and has been notified of your arrival. Would you like me to escort you there sir?” Seungcheol shook his head.

“No. We can get there alone. Thank you Yejoon. It was nice to see you again.” The guard bowed as the trio continued on their way.

“Was he someone you knew Cheol?” Jeonghan asked as they were far enough from the group. 

“Yeah. He was my guard back when I was younger. He was nearer in age to me as the youngest guard so I was close to him.”

“You guys seemed colder to each other now though. What happened?” Seungcheol paused a little.

“I left.”

_____

Walking into the pristine room, Seungcheol couldn’t help feel his blood run cold. He knew that this was the right thing to do, but it didn’t mean he had to like it.

“Seungcheol. What a surprise and I see you brought some of your members.” Seungbin greeted, eyeing the two vocalists being shielded by the leader.

“Yoon Jeonghan. Hong Jisoo. Pleasure to meet you. I’m Seungbin but I’m sure you both already know that. Please, take a seat.”

The three of them sat down on the plush couch Seungcheol had sat down on the last time he had come here. Jisoo and Jeonghan sat on either side of him, sticking close to the leader. This motion didn’t go unnoticed by Seungbin.

“Hm. So I see you’ve settled, haven’t you Cheol?” Seungcheol took the pair’s hands in a firm grip as he nodded to his brother. 

“Yeah. I did.” Seungbin, who had been sipping on his alcoholic tea, placed the cup down and turned his full attention on the trio.

“Well then, why are you here?” 

This was it.

He gathered all his courage for the next few minutes. These were his first steps. His first steps to finally moving on completely.

“I want clarification. On a question I should’ve asked a long time ago. Why did you leave me without saying anything?”

They all saw how Seungbin stiffened. Clearly, it was a question he didn’t want to answer.

“And what if I don’t want to tell you?” Seungcheol clenched his teeth, unable to stop the anger that was beginning to bubble in his stomach.

“Don’t bullshit me Seungbin. You were there for me since day one. We were close! Are you really going to let me believe that you threw that all away for some boarding school!?” Seungbin surged to his feet, Seungcheol following along with him.

“So what if I did?”

The two vocalists could see as Seungcheol’s rage grew, threatening to overflow. The pair stood and rubbed the leader’s arms slowly, trying to calm him down.

“So those first fourteen years were all just you playing the good big brother?” Seungcheol was exasperated. “Damn. Weren’t you such a good actor! So tell me? Did it raise your ego to leave me in the dust like that after making me believe you were a decent human being?” 

The leader began to sarcastically clap, congratulating his sibling.

“You don’t get to assume anything. Maybe it’s your fault for being so desperate for affection!” 

At that moment, if you were to really look into Seungbin’s eyes. Seungcheol would see the regret in them after his words. In reality, he didn’t mean what he said. But unfortunately it was too late for that. The words had come out of his mouth and a fist was thrown right into his face.

Not Seungcheol’s fist though. It was Jeonghan’s.

The older Won, stumbled back onto the ground, holding his face in surprise. Seungcheol was quite shocked at his boyfriend’s outburst and was about to pull him back when Jisoo kept a tight grip on him. Jisoo, in a way, expected Jeonghan to do something of the sort, he wanted to sucker punch that jerk too and was glad he and the other shared that thought.

“You do not get to talk to him like that!” Jeonghan yelled back. Jisoo quickly covered Seungcheol’s ears to muffle the volume. He could still hear but it wasn’t as loud as it would be if he didn’t have his ears covered.

“You can’t blame him for wanting affection and you can’t blame him for any of this! He adored you. He loved you! You were the one to turn your back on him! Your younger brother who thought the world of you! And you left him! You left him with those assholes even when you knew what they would do to him! Till this day he suffers because of your family! And you know what really pisses me off?! He should hate you! He should completely despise you! And he does! But there’s a part of him that still wishes you were his brother! There’s a part of him that still cares about you! Even if it’s just a little! Even if he denies it! He still wishes it was different!”

Jeonghan took a second to catch his breath.

“So take you, your sorry excuse of parents and leave him alone. Here, there’s people who are his family and will be his family better than you ever were!” with that Jeonghan went back towards his boyfriends and began to make their way out.

“I did it for you.” 

The trio stopped in their tracks. Seungcheol turned around to look at his brother. 

“What?”

Seungbin stood up from the ground. “I left for you.”

“How could you possibly-!” Jeonghan was about to retaliate but Jisoo shushed him.

“After I graduated, I accidentally saw Dad’s will. He made one when he found out Mom was pregnant with you and gave it to the company. Since it was already approved by the board of directors, he couldn’t change it after you were born. He didn’t believe in ‘the oldest child succeeds’. So he stated that when he passes his COO, who is his best friend, would choose which brother he believes is best fit to inherit the company. When he was making it at the time, he didn’t want to have to choose between his sons so he let his closest friend have the honors.”

“What does this have to do with anything?” Seungcheol asked.

“Even when you weren’t exposed to the public much, when the COO visited the main house, he took a liking to you. You were young and excelled in your studies. But I knew you hated business. I knew your real passion was music. If the COO were to choose you, you couldn’t refuse. It was in the will. So I made sure that he would choose me. That university abroad was one of the best universities for business. If I could go there, I could tip his choice in my favour. So I took the opportunity the moment it was offered. I never said anything because I knew you would make me stay. I told Kangdae to take care of you in my absence. Clearly I made the wrong choice.

I never wanted to leave you. But I would’ve hated it more if you were forced to give up your dream. It wasn’t that I never cared because I did Cheol! You're my baby brother. I no longer have the right to call myself your brother though, I made the wrong decision and in turn, you suffered for it. You take after me a lot I guess. Like you, I covered my self wallowing in anger and took it out on you. So I’m sorry. It was never supposed to turn out like this.

I really am sorry.”

Seungcheol remained silent. Was Seungbin lying? Was he not? He didn’t know. It was a lot to take in, too much actually, and he had no idea how to feel.

“Why do you want me to see Mom and Dad so badly?” was all he could ask.

“I know you hate them. You have every right to. If you were to ask me back then I would’ve definitely told you to not even give them the light of day, but after you left, when you became an idol, they began to see things differently. I don’t forgive them for what they did and neither should you but these past few years I saw it. I saw the regret. You proved that you didn’t need them. You proved that being deaf didn’t make you any different. I guess you could say they were sorry. 

I want you to see them before they die because they wanna see their youngest son in person. So that they can settle the one thing they’ve never been able to. So that they could die peacefully. And for you, I want you to see them so you could settle too. To make the people who treated you like shit, see that you are doing great without them. I wanted you to leave them in the past. To release your grudge.

I failed you as a brother Cheol. This my way of trying to make up for it but...I guess I didn’t see how badly this affected you. It means nothing now and everything you think about me is what I deserve but…”

He looked Seungcheol in the eyes, open and real.

“I’m sorry Cheol.....hyung’s sorry.” 

The leader stared at his brother’s head, hung low in shame. A million thoughts swirled in his head. He took one last look.....

And walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo do u think Seungbin was lying or nah? (cuz he totally could be)  
> poor cheol just wants to move on yknow  
> also as they story begins to reach the end (we really close now)  
> i've been trying to think of a new story to write! I already have some ideas but if u got one i'd love to hear them!  
> anyway that it for dis chapter
> 
> LOVE YA
> 
> -Kii<3333333


	19. At Last, The Final Shower

“Cheol!” Jisoo called out, him and Jeonghan chasing after the retreating figure.

“Cheolie!” Jisoo called out again once they had finally caught up to the leader. The vocalist grabbed onto Seungcheol’s wrist, pulling him into his arms. As he held him, Jisoo could feel the wet tears drip onto his sweater. 

“Oh sweetheart…” the leader could only choke on his sob. Jisoo gave Jeonghan a look, the other understood it immediately and pulled out his phone to call Mingyu. 

After a few minutes, Mingyu came racing down the road at a speed he’s lucky he wasn’t caught driving in. The younger didn’t ask questions as he pulled up to the trio who ushered themselves inside. 

The drive was quiet. Seungcheol’s sobs had died down and all was heard was his soft sniffles. He kept an iron grip on both of his boyfriends arms, the mere presence of them grounded him. Mingyu periodically glanced at the three from the mirror, disliking the red, puffy eyes of his leader. Inside he could feel his blood boiling and he was sure the two vocalists beside the leader were fuming. 

Surely there would be questions, him and the other members also had to plot someone’s murder but that could wait. His priority was to bring them home. 

_____

At the dorm, the whole of Seventeen was splattered on the couches of the living room. None of them had moved since the three oldests had left, eager and awaiting their arrival.

What they saw when they had walked into the doors however, was not a pleasing sight. They already had a feeling when Jeonghan called Mingyu to pick them up but they wanted to stay positive.

Seeing Jeonghan and Jisoo walk in, hovering extremely close to Seungcheol who had eyes that screamed he had been crying and Mingyu who’s expression was unreadable, they all had a vague idea of what happened. 

They weren’t delighted.

Of course they were all curious, but it took one look from the trio to know it wasn’t the time for that. When the leader plopped down on top of Chan and Jun, taking out his processor, the two of them quickly gathered Seungcheol in their arms and held him tight. Jeonghan and Jisoo sat down on the ground in front of them, running their hand through the rapper’s hair. 

Little by little all of the members clumped around that one couch, all touching Seungcheol in some way. It let the leader know they were there for him. To him, it was so comforting feeling them all around him.

When you lose one of your senses, your other ones become heightened. For Seungcheol, if he couldn’t hear, he would feel instead. In his head, feeling was much more real than hearing ever was.

_____

It was late into the night when everyone had retreated into their bedrooms. Everyone would most likely be asleep at this point, the oldest three however, were not.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Jeonghan asked into the darkness.

It took a moment before he received a reply. “I...I just don’t know if he’s lying. If he is...then I guess I was right and he really was faking it. But if he isn’t...I know it really isn’t my fault but that means I assumed. I jumped to the conclusion that he was just like everyone else.”

“Is there any way you can find out if he’s lying or not?” Jisoo asked, grabbing Seungcheol’s hand in the dark.

“....I mean...there is one way…I think...”

_____

“Cheol! Are you sure this is the right place? This looks way too sketchy!” Jeonghan whisper yelled as he cowered behind the leader who just rolled his eyes.

They approached a small house in the crevice of an alleyway, the road was narrow and crooked and the house itself looked old and worn. It didn't look all that inviting.

“Yes this is the right place! I told you that you didn’t have to come if you didn’t want to.” 

“Like hell I would let you and Jisoo go alone!” he retorted before glaring at Jisoo who was chuckling at him.

“Who are we visiting again?” Jisoo asked as they approached the wooden door.

“Kim Miyoung. She’s the one who took care of Seungbin since growing up. I heard she retired and left the family last year, she moved back to Korea a few months ago so I have a feeling she can answer whether or not Seungbin is lying.”

Seungcheol knocked on the door, waiting for an answer. It only took a few seconds before it creaked open to reveal a little old lady. She stared at the leader for a bit, then glanced over to Jeonghan and Jisoo, then went back to Seungcheol. Her eyes widened in realization.

“Oh my! Seungcheol is that you?” 

The leader couldn’t help but grin at the woman “Yeah, it’s me.” 

Miyoung smiled and laughed, grabbing onto Seungcheol’s face and pulling it closer to hers to get a good look.

“My my, Seungcheol my dear you’re so handsome now! You’ve grown well!” Once she let go, she proceeded to grab Jeonghan’s and Jisoo’s faces too.

“These must be your members! They’re very handsome too!” The pair just smiled awkwardly at the lady who was holding their faces. Thanking her for the compliment.

“Come come! You must be cold!” she said as she dragged the boys inside, leading them to a small table and sitting them down on it.

“Is there anything I can offer you guys? Tea? Juice?”

Seungcheol shook his head “It’s okay auntie.. I just came here to ask you something.” the woman’s gleeful expression darkened a little as she joined the three at the table.

“Ah yes, I figured as much. What is it?” the leader fiddled nervously as he searched for his words. Inside, he wasn’t sure if he was ready for the answer. Would figuring out if he was right feel good? Or would it be bad because his whole relationship with his brother was a lie?

“It’s about Seungbin…. do you know why he left all those years ago?” Miyoung didn’t answer right away, looking reluctant to say the answer.

“Well I wasn’t supposed to tell you...but since it’s been years I’m sure Seungbin wouldn’t mind.”

Seungcheol clutched his boyfriend’s hands tightly under the table, waiting...anticipating.

“Quite honestly, he never told me in detail but a few days before your graduation, he came to me in private. He told me to pack my bags because he was going abroad for university. As I was his caregiver of course I’d follow him wherever he went, so I did as he said. He told me to keep it a secret, especially from you. When I asked why, all he said was that this was his only way of helping you. That as your older brother, this was what he had to do.

It was obvious he didn’t want to stay on the topic so I never questioned him more. But don’t hold it against your hyung, Seungcheol. Trust me when I say that boy cried non-stop, he cried on the day he left and for weeks after. He kept you as his background photo because he missed you so much.

I told him why not just call you, but he refused to have any sort of contact. He kept insisting that it was better if he cut off all connection. Eventually, years went by and the only thing we heard about you was when Kangdae told us you left. You flew all by yourself to a country you knew nothing about. Seungbin was definitely worried, even when he didn’t admit it. The poor boy was easy to read.

Then we saw you on TV, performing for thousands of people. You had grown into this handsome young man, rapping and dancing on the stage like you owned it. I was full of pride seeing you live your dream despite what your parents had always told you because of your condition. Seungbin definitely teared up as he watched you. It was never a doubt that he cared about you so much.”

The leader stayed silent. 

Well fuck.

Turns out, Seungbin was telling the truth. It hurt his heart to know that his brother who he had hated for years, never actually stopped caring about him. 

Anger, really is all consuming. 

“Cheol?” Jeonghan said when the leader had been quiet for too long. He was honestly surprised when the other turned towards him, eyes full of determination.

“Get the car.”

_____

Seungcheol had no idea what the hell he was doing but here he was, marching down the pathway of the manor. Steps full of purpose. The servants and guards looked at him in confusion as they greeted him.

He had told Jeonghan and Jisoo to stay in the car because this was something he needed to do alone. Finally, he reached the door of the room he had been looking for. Taking a deep breath he pushed the doors open and walked inside.

There he saw Seungbin at his desk, looking through stacks of papers as he sipped on his tea (which was still alcohol). The older Won’s head shot up as the doors were busted open, revealing his younger brother, face slightly flushed and breathing a little heavy. All signs that he had rushed here.

“Cheol? Why are you here?” he asked the younger. When he received no reply, he was about to ask him again when-

“Binbin hyung....” came Seungcheol’s soft, hesitant voice.

Seungbin choked on his tea.

“Cheol….did you just- you do realize- you called me-” Seungbing was coughing, trying to regain his composure.

“I know what I called you.” replied Seungcheol, not meeting his brother in the eyes. The elder walked towards the leader, still enveloped in shock.

“Can you- but- wait-why?”

“I talked to Miyoung. I know what you said was the truth-” the next thing Seungcheol knew, he was pulled into a hug.

A familiar embrace that he didn’t know a part of him had been longing for.

A brother’s embrace.

The leader could feel the tears fall on his shoulder, his own tears were building up in his eyes too.

“This...doesn’t mean.. I forgive you yet.” he choked out “It’s different...I just..I need time..” Seungbin’s arms held onto the younger tighter.

“I know…” was all Seungbin’s reply.

“Binbin hyung...I-I’m-” Seungbin hushed his brother.

“It’s okay, I understand. I know, hyung knows.”

They both cried a little harder at that. Holding each other, as the world seemed to stop for a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its not the end just yettttt but we're getting super close.  
> Like i said, I don't believe in cheol being all chummy with his family, which is why he didn't forgive Seungbin completely. He meant well in actuality but the damage he had done to cheol will not be healed just like that. 
> 
> I also have this idea for the next story I want to do, its kinda like a mafia au but not really its more like kingsman in the terms of like how they have codenames based on the king arthur characters but with greek mythology.   
> I.e their codenames are greek gods/goddesses (cuz we dont discriminate, they can have goddess names too) and they are like hitmen yknow?  
> I still need to flesh it out before it ever becomes a story but lemme know what u think!
> 
> Hope u all are doing well!
> 
> lots of luvluvluv
> 
> -Kii<33333333


	20. Those Who Ruled The Sky

Seungbin felt the weight of his brother in his arms. A weight he never believed he would get to feel again. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he never wanted to let go, because finally, he had his baby brother back. Things were different now. He knew that. The repercussions of what he had done to Seungcheol was something he would never forgive himself for, and something he will forever try to atone.

He knew their relationship would not be the same as when they were kids, and though now was his chance to try to mend the damage, he could never fully repair it. At least the anger Seungcheol had towards him was gone. He had nothing to be mad about anymore, he could leave that behind him. Though the wounds Seungbin had left in his heart were still there, he had finally taken another step forward into fully moving on.

The two brothers still remained in the same position even if many minutes had gone by. Neither wanted to let go. So Seungbin led them over to the couch and had Seungcheol tell his boyfriends to head back without him. They had a lot to talk about it, much more to catch up on and too many feelings that needed to be sorted out.

Seungbin had become detached with his emotions in the past years, masking everything he had felt with everything people expected him to be. A rich, spoiled millionaire, who was sly and stuck up. When he looked at his brother he could see their similarities, this being one of them.

When you feel too much, you cover it up with the emotion easiest to feel.

Anger.

Which is why he and Seungcheol were so hostile to each other.

_____

They had talked for hours, Seungbin’s arms never leaving their place around the leader. They talked about how they were going to try to make things better. They would call and text each other, visit each other when they had the time. Seungbin even joked about bringing him and the rest of Seventeen to the States for a vacation, so they could see Seungcheol’s childhood home.

Whether he was joking or actually being serious, the leader didn’t know. 

They caught up on what had happened while they were apart. Seungcheol told stories about his trainee days, while Seungbin spoke about university. It felt nice, being able to talk about life. 

Then came the difficult topic. Their parents.

All the paperwork and arrangements had all been finished and their parents would be flown over to Korea next week. Seungcheol was hesitant. Very hesitant. Quite honestly, he had no idea what would happen if he were to see his parents again. It could bring back too many memories, but Seungbin assured him that if he chooses to see them, he would be there and he could bring whoever else he wanted with him.

Jeonghan and Jisoo, even the whole of Seventeen if he wanted to. They would be in a private room, away from the prying eyes of the media and other residents within the hospital. All the staff would be sworn to secrecy and they could up the security to ensure no one would know Seungcheol ever was there.

The leader agreed with all of those, and with a few more things added in, he had agreed to meet them. He had planned to originally, it was part of him moving on, but he had been unsure about it even when he told Jeonghan and Jisoo he was going to do it.

Seeing his brother getting worked up, he stopped the discussion there and switched back into some fun stories. Half way through his third story, he looked down to see Seungcheol fast asleep in his arms.

Seungbin chuckled to himself quietly, seeing that some things, really don’t change. Seungcheol always became exhausted after serious conversations. So seeing him asleep now was just like old times. He carefully took the processor out of his brother’s ear, remembering how much he hated having to sleep with it and put it into the leader’s pocket, before hoisting the younger on his back and making his way over to his car.

He was heavier now, Seungbin noted. Time really had passed. He set the leader into the passenger seat before sliding into the driver’s and starting the car. He drove to Seventeen’s dorm, parking near the back so no one would notice. It was dark out but Seungbin didn’t want to take chances.

Ringing the bell as best he could with the napping leader on his back, he waited for someone to answer. Luckily he didn’t have to wait long as the door was opened almost immediately by a short man with light brown hair. 

This was Jihoon, if Seungbin remembered correctly from the pictures Seungcheol had shown him and it seemed the other man had recognized him too, if his surprised face was anything to go by.

“You’re-!” he quickly turned back into the dorm and yelled out “YAH! Get the hyungs!” a flurry of scurrying feet and a bit of yelling was heard before two blondes appeared at the doorway. Jeonghan and Jisoo, Seungcheol’s boyfriends. Seungbin remembered them the most, after all, one of them did punch him.

“What are you doing here? Where’s-” Jisoo paused when he spotted his boyfriend on Seungbin’s back.

“He fell asleep while we were talking. I just came to drop him off.” the two looked skeptical for a second before Seungcheol’s squirming and whining brought their attention to him. Like it was a reflex the pair took Seungcheol off Seungbin’s back and into their arms. Hushing the leader back into slumber.

The older Won couldn’t help but smile at the trio, seeing the pure love and adoration in Jeonghan and Jisoo’s eyes assured him his brother was in good hands. He combed through the leader’s hair whispering goodnight to the younger before turning to walk to his car.

He felt his eyes tear up a little when he heard, the little mumble that came out of Seuncheol’s lips.

“Night...Binbin..hyung.” 

_____

Jeonghan and Jisoo closed the door after Seungbin had left and began to carry the sleeping figure back to the bedroom.

“Is hyung okay?” Minghao asked when they passed by the kitchen.

“Yeah he’s just asleep. I think the conversation with his brother went well.”

Minghao smiled at that, ruffling the leader’s hair in passing.

Once they had laid down to sleep, Jeonghan and Jisoo couldn’t help but noticed the small smile on the leader’s face.

_____

Today was D-day. 

After ten years, Seungcheol was finally going to see the people who were the cause of all of this. 

His parents.

They had flown in a little over two weeks ago and Seungcheol waited for them to settle before he would see them. While he waited he planned everything out with Seungbin and his managers to ensure the meeting would run smoothly. Like his brother promised, security was increased and all the staff within the hospital were told to say nothing of what they saw or heard. 

Swon Corp was filled with fantastic lawyers from all around the world. A lawsuit from them would cause major damage so it wasn’t hard to convince them. Seungcheol took up Seungbin's offer and brought the whole of Seventeen with him. 

At first, he didn’t want them anywhere near his parents but he soon realized that if he was going to do this, he needed all of them there. Seventeen, his actual family. 

This was his final step. Until he can fully move on. He wanted all of them there for it. The hospital room was spacious so fitting the thirteen of them inside was not a difficult task.

Everyone was quiet as they entered. 

Seventeen stood behind him in a clump, Jeonghan and Jisoo stood beside him while Seungbin stayed on the other side.

This was it.

“Hi…. Mom and Dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was more on the short fluffy side cuz the next chapter which is sadly, the last chapter in this story, will be longer than usual.  
> Cheol's finally gonna face his parents, i wonder what they will do????  
> Anyway as for the next story, im still working out the plot and stuff but it will be Cheol-centric cuz i feel like theres not a lot of fics where he's the main   
> also im a sucker whumping cheol, but also showering him with luvvv so i like writing about him  
> im still debating whether its gonna be jihancheol, cheolsoo or jeongcheol (its probably gonna be jihancheol but we'll seeee)  
> I also wanna write a different kind of cheol, not the soft cheol yknow but more of a cold hearted, street smart, bad boy cheol yknow? hes gonna be a bit of a tsundere (not like the annoying type just the "i act like i dont care but I really do i just don't now how to do emotions so im just gonna be cold" type)
> 
> ill talk about it more in the last chapter!
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH U GUYS
> 
> -Kii<33333


	21. The Clear Sky I Have Longed For

“Hi…. Mom and Dad.”

As he said those words a part of him wanted to back out there and then, but he stopped himself. He had to do this, and he was already here. There is no turning back. Seungcheol reminded himself that he wasn’t alone, his members were here, his brother was here. His parents are on hospital beds. There was nothing they could do to him now.

“Seungcheol…” his mother called out from her bed “Is that you?”

The leader felt his hands curl into fists from the way his name rolled off her tongue. Till this day he didn’t like it. It felt weird to his ears but at least it wasn’t in English. He had Seungbin to thank for that since he had told them beforehand he didn’t remember how to speak it.

“Yeah, It’s me.” he answered through gritted teeth.

“It’s been so long, you’ve grown into such a handsome young man. How have you been?” she asked.

“Good. It’s been really great.” he replied, Seungcheol wanted to say much more, he wanted to be petty, but he’d get there. 

“Are those your members?” his mother asked as she peered to the group of boys behind the leader. One by one, Seungcheol introduced them to her, each member greeting her very briefly. Despite having their own version of anger towards Seungcheol’s parents, the other members still tried to stay respectful, unless the situation were to turn sour. 

“It’s very nice to meet all of you.” his mother greeted them with a smile and Seungcheol couldn’t help but cringe at the face. His mother never smiled unless it was for publicity sake.

“Now that introductions are over let’s get the point of this meeting shall we?” his father spoke up suddenly. He had been quiet since they had walked in and Seungcheol was sort of hoping he would stay quiet throughout the whole thing but sadly, that wasn’t the case.

The other people in the room felt the temperature drop and Seungcheol’s members were surprised to see the cold expression wash over their leader’s face. All except Jihoon who had seen those hardened, hollow eyes before.

“You always have to ruin the atmosphere don’t you?” Seungcheol retorted, almost laughing at his father's surprised expression. He wasn’t scared anymore, he had his members beside him, his father can’t hurt him. He wasn’t going to be the one that’s gonna be hurt, no, his father was.

“All right, let's get to the point shall we? I think both of you owe me something.” he said as he crossed his arms defiantly. 

“And what would that be?” his father asked, Seungcheol noticed how he was beginning to get angry. He always did have a short temper. It made the leader scoff.

“Hyung, I thought you told me they changed?” he asked his brother who was hiding his face in his hands. Seungcheol laughed at him shortly before turning back to his father. 

“An apology. You know, for all those years I had to suffer under you?” He grinned when he saw the man glare. 

“You little shi-”

“Dad!” Seungbin growled out.

“We came here for a decent conversation yet your brother walks in here talking disrespectfully and demanding things!” he growled back at Seungbin.

Seungcheol felt the members behind him tense at his father’s words. Especially Jeonghan and Jisoo who subtly inched closer to him. Seungbin began to argue with their father, asking him to be rational about this situation. Only for his father to argue back that he was. Soon enough his mother joined in trying to calm down her husband.

That was when Seungcheol began to laugh.

Full on laughing.

Everyone quieted down to look at Seungcheol. His father becoming even more angry, “Why are you laughing you-”

“Damn!” Seungcheol chuckled out, interrupting “Are you that attached to your ego that you can’t even give your son an apology? Oh wait wait, sorry! I forgot, I’m not your son. Seriously, you act like you didn’t discriminate and verbally abuse me for fourteen years!” he continued laughing.

“Like, from the moment I was born, y’know? An innocent kid who never did anything to you and yet the moment you were told I was deaf, suddenly I’m a disgrace? Worthless? Dysfunctional? What else did you call me? Oh! A mistake, an embarrassment, honestly I could go on!” he threw his head back in amusement.

“Jeez, you seriously blame a newborn for being deaf? Like it was my choice? That’s low even for you. If you're going to blame someone, blame you and your shitty genes!” At this point Seungcheol was holding his stomach with how hard he was laughing.

“You disrespectful brat! I could’ve let you die.” his father spat at him but Seungcheol didn’t flinch this time at his tone. 

“At that time, I wish you did.” He replied.

“Cheol-” Seungcheol held his hand up, stopping Jisoo.

“You think I was the failure? Look at yourself. Do you honestly believe you can call yourself a father? You didn’t even raise me or Seungbin. Sure you gave him attention, but it wasn’t like you took any sort of part in his upbringing. I was raised by servants. I never did anything to you, I was a child! And yet the one thing you were supposed to do as a parent you couldn’t even do. I didn’t ask for much! I just wanted acknowledgement! I wanted to be treated like a person! And you couldn’t do that!”

Seungcheol took a moment to breathe.

“You are more of a failure than I ever was! Even on your deathbed you still refuse to swallow your pride!” his father flared up at this but a hand on his chest stopped him. He looked to the owner to see it was Seungbin. His eyes are cold and warning. Telling him to stay quiet.

“All of this because I was deaf?” continued Seungcheol “Are you fucking kidding me? You ignored my existence because I was deaf? That’s bullshit! Because guess what? Here I am. I’m an idol. I can stand on stage where I rap and dance in front of thousands. I make music for millions to hear. I got people screaming my name. You see these people here?” Seungcheol pointed to his members.

“I met twelve talented and amazing people, who accepted me for who I was, who love me as I am. They are my family and so much more. And I achieved that without your money, without your name, without you! I became all of that without even being born able to hear! So you know what?” he snarled.

Everyone watched as Seungcheol ripped his processor out of his ear, holding it out.

“You can take this..” 

He threw it on the ground, smashing it under his feet, in front of a room full of surprised faces.

“And burn in hell.” 

He said those words without a care in the damn world whether he was slurring or not. His eyes glared at his father, before he walked out.

Fuck.

Fuck! He did it. He did it.

Walking out that door, he walked with his head held high. The tears in his eyes weren’t tears of sorrow, or shame, or self-hatred. It was of joy, of happiness, of relief. The words he had wanted to say for so long, he was finally able to say. He put them in their place.The weight of the world was at last lifted off his shoulders. 

Standing in the hallway, it hit him. 

He could move on.

Those chains that tied his heart to the past, to the pain, the memories that refused to leave, the ones that haunted his subconsciousness, the rage, the hatred, all of it, disappeared. It was as if smashing his processor, smashed everything else that he carried. That one object was what held his agony, the processor he was forced to wear since the day his condition was brought to light. 

Turns out the answer was with him all along. 

A tap on his shoulder snapped him out of his thoughts. Seungcheol turned to look at the worried faces of his members. With the tears streaming down his face he signed,

_ ‘I did it’ _

Their faces of worry were replaced with faces of pride, their own eyes beginning to water. Seungcheol didn’t need to hear them to know how proud they were of him. Jeonghan and Jisoo looked at the leader with the biggest smiles Seungcheol had ever seen.

_ ‘Good job baby.’ _ Seungcheol attacked them with a hug, holding onto the two vocalists as tight as he could. Hoping that he could send just how thankful he felt towards them through it.

Seungcheol could almost feel someone yell out “Group hug!” before more arms wrapped around the three of them. It was an awkward thirteen way hug, but Seungcheol couldn’t have asked for anything different.

When the group broke apart, Seungbin stood near them with a fond grin on his face. Seungcheol stepped away from his members for a bit to walk to his brother.

_ ‘Are you okay?’ _ Seungbin signed to him. Hands moving in the same fluency he had all those years ago. It meant that even with the ten year interval, Seungbin never forgot about the language.

_ ‘Yeah. Is he still causing a fuss?’  _ Seungcheol asked his brother who giggled and nodded his head.

_ ‘You bet. You really got him good.’  _ Both brothers laughed at that before Seungbin met his eyes seriously.

_ ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ _ Seungcheol chuckled at the elder and took his face in his hands.

_ ‘Yes. I’m more than okay. Thank you for this hyung. I can move on now.’ _ Seungbin became teary at that, pulling the leader in for a hug of their own.

After a few moments, the pair parted and Seungcheol had to bid farewell to his brother as he and Seventeen had to return to their dorms now. They promised to stay in contact and Seungbin said he’d come to their concert someday. 

Finally the thirteen of them made their way out of the hospital. As Seungcheol was about to get into the van, he was stopped again by a hand on his wrist. He turned to see his mother on a wheelchair, a nurse beside her.

What happened next surprised him.

With shaky, unsure hands, his mother began to sign to him.

_ ‘I was never a mother to you. I know I will never be forgiven but I am glad you were able to become who you are now. You have proved that you are amazing. I regret what I did all those years ago. I won’t ever be a mother in your eyes but you are my son. I’m sorry Seungcheol. You never deserved what we did.’ _

Seungcheol didn’t know what to say. When he was a child, his parents refused to learn sign language. Seungbin wasn’t lying when he said they did change. While his father might have not, his mother did. Her learning sign language proved that.

Kneeling down to be at eye level with the woman, he smiled at her as he held her hand.

_ ‘Thank you. I’ve put it behind me now. I’m glad you made the effort to make it up to me. Thank you mom, really. Be happy okay? Spend the rest of this time doing what you want. _ ’

His mother looked at him with tears pouring down her smiling face.

_ ‘You will be at the funeral right?’ _ she asked and Seungcheol nodded.

_ ‘Of course.’ _ his mother said nothing more so the leader gave her hand one last squeeze before climbing into the van. 

His mother stayed there and waved to him as the car drove away.

_ ‘What did your mom say to you?’  _ Jisoo asked when Seungcheol stopped looking out the window.

_ ‘Something between the two of us.’ _ he signed back. Jisoo shrugged and didn’t bother to ask him to elaborate.

_ ‘By the way.’  _ It was Jeonghan who was signing to him this time  _ ‘What are you gonna do about your processor?’  _

Seungcheol smiled at that.

_ ‘I have a spare.’ _

_____

Turns out, even if you are a millionaire, you still can’t shut people up.

A week after his encounter with his parents, articles were being published all over social media, rumors were being spread and theories were being created about Seungcheol being deaf. None of the sources had substantial evidence though, they all relied on the words of a hospital employee who claimed to have spotted Seventeen’s leader being communicated with through sign language.

Seungbin had called him immediately once the scandal blew up, his brother apologizing to him profusely. Seungcheol assured his brother that it was okay and that he didn’t blame him. Honestly it did catch him off guard and it did cause him to panic for a bit. However, even when the whole thing was really just a rumor to the public, the response they had gotten was, actually quite surprising.

Soon comments and posts were being made about how inspiring the leader was, members of the deaf community praised Seungcheol for not letting his condition stop him, more people began to check out Seventeen to see this ‘Deaf Idol’ for their own eyes and Carats were nothing but supportive.

It warmed Seungcheol’s heart to gain so much support from his fans and from people of his community. Turns out he had nothing to worry about. The whole thing was just a rumor, their company and not even addressed the scandal, let alone confirm it. Yet either way, they continued to support him.

He was so amazed.

_ “If Cheol oppa really is deaf, I don’t care, he’s still our S.coups!” _

_ “Honestly being deaf makes Seungcheol so much cooler!” _

_ “A deaf idol? Awesome! I’m so glad to have people like us represented in the industry!” _

_ “Oppa I support you!” _

_ “Keep it up Cheol!” _

Reading the comments, the leader couldn’t help but shed tears of joy.

Their words really did touch his heart.

_____

_ “You’re on in 3….2...1!” _

He was shot up onto the stage, a flood of cheers filled the stadium.

“Hello Carat! Let me hear you scream!” Seungcheol yelled into the mic and he got an instant response.

The fans began to chant as they shook their light sticks in the air.

“Choi Seungcheol! Choi Seungcheol! Choi Seungcheol! Choi Seungcheol!” 

The leader stared in amazement at the crowd. Soaking in the cheers of his name. Soon his members were shot up onto the stage as well, earning more screams from their fans. The music blasted from the speakers, accompanied by the cannons.

Seungcheol stood in the center of it all, letting himself see just how far he had come.

Here he was on a stage. This is where he was meant to be. From the moment he saw that performance on TV, he knew that this was it. 

He chased this dream, despite what people told him, despite what had happened to him.

It took a lot to get here, but it was worth it. It was so worth it. 

But he gained more than just his right to the stage. He gained a family he never had. Twelve rambunctious kids, with their own personalities, their own charms. Each one of them having wormed their way into his heart.

They accepted him for who he was, they taught to love himself. They were there every step of the way in his journey to move on. There was nothing he could do to express just how thankful he was towards them.

Jeonghan and Jisoo, the loves of his life. Junhui and Minghao, his cuties from China. Jihoon and Soonyoung, his fellow unit leaders. Seokmin and Seungkwan, the kids that never failed to make him laugh. Wonwoo and Mingyu, his giant cat and puppy. Hansol and Chan, the ones he felt were really his kids.

All of them, helped him become who he was now.

He is Choi Seungcheol.

He is Seventeen’s leader.

He is an idol.

And he was deaf.

(but that never mattered.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have reached the end! (Turns out this chapter wasn't that long as I thought it would be) I hope you all are satisfied with the ending :)  
> I just wanted to say THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH! This was my first multi chapter fic and to see that so much people have read it and like it makes me so happy. Thank you for everyone that has read this story and have encouraged and supported me all this time. <333
> 
> For the next story, I still have a lot to sort out. As of rn I don't really have a plot. I will be gone for a while, yknow taking a break from writing as well as trying to figure out the next story but I will be back!
> 
> In the last few chapters I explained the next story, which will be a sort of mafia/hitman AU, taking inspiration from Kingsman in relation to their code names but instead of King Arthur Characters, I'm using Greek Mythology. The fic will be Cheol centered and will include Jihancheol. I already have all their code names and positions figured out. This story's cheol will be different, he will be more rough around the edges, he's a fighter, he's more ruthless. I won't spoil too much but thats all I have right about now.
> 
> I hope you all tune in for the next fic when it comes out!
> 
> Thank you again for being such awesome people.
> 
> Lots of Love
> 
> -Kii<3


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